It seems inevitable. With few exceptions when a player’s been in the game long enough, he starts thinking about settling down in some way or at least having kids.
Guys like Paul Janka have settled in to long term relationships to have kids, and even Krauser mentions in his latest video his goal now is to settle down and have a family.
Maybe there’s a male biological clock of some kind. Maybe the dopamine highs of fucking new girls fades, while at the same time players miss the oxytocin hits of pair-bonding. Or maybe there comes the inevitable realization that life is short and it’s time to leave a legacy of some kind.
Regardless the reason I believe it’s worth thinking about and planning for, so when the desire to have kids comes around you have a plan for how you’ll approach it.
The Red Quest has an excellent long post on his thoughts around having kids the red pill way. As a red pill player and father, I find he has a very good perspective and it’s got me thinking about the subject.
It’s clear that modern marriage in the West no longer works. With a marriage contract, you sign away the rights to have your assets if either of you decided to end it, with no upside.
If that’s not enough, my own experience from my 13 year marriage and the many relationships I’ve observed is that if you live together with a woman, her desire to have sex with you instinctively goes away after 2-3 years. In my experience as well this can be deferred if you don’t live with her and spend plenty of time apart.
I’m not yet at the point where I want to have kids. But one of my realizations on a recent acid trip is that I do want them at some point. I’d also say I have a keener understanding of my mortality than most do as well given my chronic pain and injuries that are a daily reminder I’m past my prime physically.
Modern marriage doesn’t work. Living together with a woman also doesn’t work, at least for me. So given all this, what’s the right structure in which to have a kid?
I believe there is no one answer and it depends on the man and what he wants. I don’t have it figured out, but my current thoughts are this:
- Don’t get legally married and have a co-parenting agreement in place.
- Keep your finances 100% separate, but agree on some sort of monthly budget you provide to her and the kid you have. Legally do your best to have good asset protection practices in place.
- Keep two residences. Have one for her and the kid, and a small separate apartment for yourself. Spend several nights a week apart.
- Keep the relationship expressly open and have at least one side casual side girl at all times.
- Have a signed, enforceable parenting agreement in place that you both sign. She needs to sign up to do the majority of the day to day chores of raising the kid.
- Ensure all kids are paternity tested. This means taking a DNA sample at the time of birth and not signing any birth certificate until the kid is proven to be mine.
- Choose a woman who has a family that will help in raising the kid.
This may be a tall order. It requires strong frame, good game, and a high degree of financial success.
It’s good to understand that child support is much cheaper in Europe than the US as well.
But if you’re in your late 30’s / early 40’s and have dated a lot of women, you should have the right frame and enough financial success to pull this off.
I’m 44 and yet still not in a hurry. We’ll see what the future holds. But welcome your comments. It’s good to have a plan ready for when the time comes.
13 thoughts on “Having Kids on My Terms – Magnum’s 7 Point Checklist”
At some point, you pick a lady and make it happen. I picked a lady who makes a lot more money than me. We got divorced and now my kids are 18 and 16. So, I’m almost to the empty-nest stage (age 53) and I have my own money/sanity. Even though red-pill dogma strongly suggests choosing a lady who doesn’t work and fulfills traditional roles, having kids with a career-lady was a good choice for me.
The sense of accomplishment that you get from guiding two kids into adulthood is like nothing else. That’s why RedQuest is thinking about doing it again. As for me, I’m coming out of monk mode (career+kids) and planning to enjoy the empty-nest years.
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The other thing I see a lot of women do (and some guys do) is keep searching for the perfect magical unicorn partner, who does not exist because she (or he, for chicks) does not exist.
People who make their top priority finding a partner and having a family can usually do that.
People who make their top priority anything else, like unicorn hunting, may find it never happens.
“It just happened” is one of my least favorite commonly heard phrases. Though it may seem like it just happened, it very rarely just happens.
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The player > kids pathway can also be done in reverse – I have a 4 1/2 year old son and went from being a Beta Male Blue Pillster with two lifetime partners up to the age of 35 to a Red Pill player with ten new girls in the last twelve months (also while keeping a regular girl).
I went to my city’s Easter Show with my son and enjoyed the fruits of parenting – amusement park rides, farm animals, woodchopping contests, show bags. And as I strolled along admiring the people, I also noticed the Indicators of Interest from women, the subtle sexual signals, and the bubbling energy that humanity possesses yet is largely hidden from the view of the average Beta.
Both fruits can be enjoyed.
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That’s a great perspective. Honestly I think it’s the best way to do it.
I’m curious, would you choose to have another one at some point?
I would…but the terms of the relationship would be vastly different.
I offered to give my regular Miss Bumblebee a baby but she declined – likely because the terms don’t meet her threshold for female expectations about how a man would support her. She’s 43 and likely her last chance at having a baby.
Many Players fear the consequences of having children due to the resource constraint, the freedom constraint or the legal constraint. I think the fear is overstated to be honest – the Red Pill has painted our world with women who are rapacious semen-hunters who want to lock us down in some way.
And then we spin on our own hamster wheels by fearing the legal systems we live under, particularly the US system.
One of the darkest aspects of r/K spectrum reproduction is that if we truly define ourselves as Alpha/r-selection, why do we fear abandoning our children and lovers when they no longer serve us? Isn’t the rake really the incorrigible cad who travels the world and impregnates women without any care?
Most Players are not careless – they want the pleasures of sex without any of the consequences. Yet wouldn’t a true Alpha act freely and without fear, taking the risk to create children wherever he goes?
I think we are happy to be r-selected on the pleasure scale but at heart K-selected from a humane/empathetic perspective.
The thing I don’t like about the conservative Red Pill elements is that men equally don’t want to be saddled with reproductive responsibility – I’ve sat in the abortion clinic twice with two different girls. Abortion is not just a female hypergamous choice – it also frees men of responsibility. It’s an age-old practice across all cultures. That’s why I don’t understand the conservative RP obsession with abortion as if RP-aware guys are being robbed of choice.
Really great perspective. The thing that makes me most cautious about having a kid is the US child support payment laws. Unlike most other countries (I’ve read up on Europe), there is no cap to child support…instead they take a large percentage of what you earn.
Having experienced this once already with my divorce it definitely makes me cautious. But I continue to learn about things that can be done to mitigate the risk.
What you, Abledad, and red quest are all saying…at some point you just fucking go for it…makes perfect sense. Not quite there yet myself but I can sense it’s coming.
As someone with good income and resources i got pressured into having a kid. The child support system in US is brutal. In My state is not capped. Look at some of the NBA and football players. Some pay 10-20K in child support. Once your son bonds with you, its easier said than done to abandon them and spread your seed. Your son will become a leverage tool for your Ex to exact revenge and extract resources. For 18 years she can be IRS and audit you anytime she feels like it. Be careful. Parenting agreement doesnt mean shit. You are fooling yourself. There is no prenup for having kids. The custody is determined by what court use the terminoly “whats in his best inetrest.” Custody child support and visitation can change anytime, parenting plan before having kids is a joke and not enforceable. Many women get cold feet when they see you have a kid.
Fair points and I understand the scenario you laid out can be a worst case scenario.
But my understanding is that most US states calculate child support based on the mother and father’s income as well as who spends the most time with the child. So if she makes zero money and has the kids full time, and you make a large income you’re going to make huge payments.
Alternatively if she makes a similar income to you and you split the kid 50/50 likely there could be no child support.
I won’t go into personal details but I’ve factored this as well as a robust asset protection strategy into my outlook.
Example calculator here: