Rivelino's Fourteen Questions with Magnum

I was honored to have Rivelino interview me as part of his ongoing game questions on his blog.

Riv asked some great thought-provoking questions that pulled some decent answers out of me that I didn’t even know I had.

Highly recommended. Please check it out on Rivelo’s blog

– Magnum

Here’s Rivelino’s transcript as well:

Magnum is living large. He’s tall, good-looking, traveling the world, having sex with lots of young women. He also has an excellent blog, with his famous first date model and a simple nutrition guide that I liked a lot. Here’s my interview with Magnum. He’s got a lot of knowledge to share, so pay attention.

Fifteen Questions with Magnum

1. Basic biographical info
Name: Magnum
Age: 45
Height: 6’3″
Lifetime bangs: low triple digits

2. How did you discover Game? Who were your biggest influences?
I discovered game by finding Roissy in DC’s blog back in 2008. This was before it became Heartiste. Back then Roissy was just taking off, and over the next few years he put to words a lot of the concepts that influenced later writers. I know both Blackdragon and Krauser have credited Roissy as a big influence, and those two guys along with Tom Torero would be my next biggest influences. Blackdragon for online game and relationship management, and Krauser and Torero for daygame and texting game (Mr V‘s recently published text game summary is also outstanding). I also learned a lot from Christian McQueen and Goldmund when it comes to approaching, non-verbal game, drawing women in to you, and getting women addicted to how you fuck them.

3. Everything you know about women, can you distill it down to 5 key points?
There’s an art to women that goes well beyond just a few points. But in terms of essential frameworks that span across your every interaction with women, these are the three key themes that come to mind:

A) You are her daddy. She is not your peer, she is your girl. This means you lead. You alone are responsible for every interaction and making things go well, from choosing what you do when out, to how the sex will go down, to punishing bad behavior. This is what she wants. She will test your conviction if she senses weakness, but once you’ve proven your strength and leadership she will naturally become feminine and crave your leadership. It’s the dynamic that is meant to be between women and men.

B) Push/pull should be infused in your every interaction with women. Your relationships with women, from opening them on the street, to texting, to dates, to sex, to ongoing relationship management at whatever level you choose – it’s a dance. You are leading her emotions and enabling experiences for the both of you, experiences she can feel. She feels this through the ups and downs. You compliment her, and then you follow it with a tease. You tease her on the date and bring up sexual topics, and then you switch to normal comfort topics in the very next sentence like it’s no big deal. You fuck her hard telling her what a dirty little slut she is while you choke her, and then you slow it down and tell her how close you feel to her and how you can tell by how wet she is that she’s been missing you while you let her feel your affection. You take her on a fun adventure date, and then you don’t text her for a few days. The worst sin with women is to be boring…push/pull done well ensures you never will be.

C) As a man you need to have a larger mission in life than your woman. This is what gives you the true outcome independence that will keep you unaffected by the ups and downs of dating. You need to have spent time on your own in learning who you are, and what you want to achieve in life. These achievements have to be meaningful, long term things that excite you, and cannot be just about women. When you have this larger purpose in life, and you are making progress towards that, you will be happy. This ties to being daddy. Women can feel if you are a man and if you have this purpose, or if you’re lost. It makes you outcome independent. Did a girl flake on your date that night? No problem, that means you get to work on your real passion whatever that is. Is a girl you’re seeing giving you drama? No problem, just next her. You’ve got more important things to do than spend time with any one woman who doesn’t meet your standards of behavior. Outcome independence makes you much more attractive to women as well as a bi-product. They want to be apart of a man’s world, they do not want to be a man’s world. I view women like I view good nutrition. It’s necessary but sufficient. If you fuck up your nutrition or your dating life it will have a big negative impact on your life. But having good nutrition or a good dating life alone is not enough to be happy overall as a man, we are much bigger than that.

4. Since your divorce, you’ve been traveling a lot and having a lot of success with women. Do you have a favorite type of girl (ethnicity, body type, hair color)? Has that changed at all from the woman you married?
I’ve been consistent my adult life in that I prefer petite, feminine, slender women with dark hair. I also prefer women who are intelligent, highly sexual, and typically have some sort of outsider status to them, which can mean a lot of different things. When I first started dating again after my divorce I was dating women from their late 20’s into their late 30’s. But as I gained experience and improved my game and dating I learned that I prefer younger women and I learned how to meet them. The average age of the girls I’ve slept with since 2016 is 24, while the average age between my divorce in 2013 and the end of 2015 was 31. I see this as a good improvement.

5. I’m curious about what you mean by women with “outsider status”. Can you give an example? Why are you attracted to this type of woman, is it because they’re more interesting or unpredictable?
When I say “outsider status” I’m borrowing a Krauser term, one of the many good ones he’s defined in game. By outsider status I mean that the girl at least views herself as in some way outside of the mainstream for girls her age. That can mean a lot of different things, such as, she’s an introvert, or into a certain party or music sub culture, or she’s into older guys and BDSM, or whatever. The important thing is this is part of her self image, and so consistent with that self image she’s at least open to dating a man like me who’s much older than her and outside of her normal social circle. I find girls who have this outsider status tend to be more intelligent and more interesting as well. I enjoy the process of learning how they think and also about the various subculture interests they have.

6. Reading your blog, you seem to be successful in everything you do: finances, fitness, women, travel, basically everything. What’s next?
My number one goal in life right now is to continue to fix a collection of old injuries that have left me with chronic pain. More than anything else I can do, that will improve my life from where I am now. I’m making progress and I’m optimistic I can finally put it to rest in 2020, but it’s a long term goal not entirely in my control. Frankly nothing else matters if you don’t have your health.

My next biggest goal is to get my side consulting business to the profit goals for it that I have for this year. I have a full time job that I love, but I’ve enjoyed starting up something on the side completely from scratch that I own with no partners.

Beyond that, my main girl and I are looking to have a kid in line with my blog post on the subject. This means having the kid and raising him together in a way that also protects my independence.

The best answer a girl ever gave me was, “I fall in love when I think I may have a future with the man” and I think that sums up a lot about women. Women are the practical sex, while men are the true romantics. It’s evolutionary. In the hunter gatherer state in which we evolved women can’t take care of themselves, nature’s too brutal. They need a strong man to do that, and women are evolved to find that man.

So in a nutshell I believe we love that which is in our best interest to pass along our genes. For women that’s a strong, “alpha” man who also has the potential to take care of her long term. For men it’s the girl with better reproductive value than the others in his life, the one guys will describe as “she’s really hot and not like the rest!”

7. What are some quotes/concepts that have helped guide you through life?It’s not a quote or concept but I internalized early in life that I own my own results. Good or bad, my outcomes in life are my responsibility and based on my decisions and action.I played American football as well as rugby when I was in school. We had good coaches and it was a very hard program in that the teams at our school trained longer and more intensely than the teams at the other schools we played. This made that program consistently successful year in and year out regardless of specific players on the team. As a player in that program you worked hard every single day and you never quit, 4 plus hours a day 6 days a week. More than anything I internalized that I own my own results and that perseverance is the biggest factor in achieving any results you want to get, and that as much as anything has got me what success I’ve had.

8. A weakness you’ve overcome, and how did you overcome it?I wouldn’t call it a weakness, but I’m an INTJ and a fairly strong introvert, which can work against you in game. I think this is especially true in the US which has an extroverted culture. So I play to my strengths. I’m not the type of guy who’s going do well opening groups of girls in a club, but I’m quite naturally the “strong, quiet type” that a lot of women really like and I’m a good conversationalist with them 1:1 in a chill place. So for example I play to this strength on first dates by leading the conversation through questions and let the girl talk about herself. She enjoys feeling heard and feels more connected to me, and at the same time I come across as mysterious which draws women in, and I’m happy to let her do 90% of the talking. We all have to find our own style within game that suits our personality, and I’ve found mine over the course of doing hundreds of dates over the years.

9. Your thoughts on love?I’ve been meaning to do a post on this when I’ve got my thoughts collected. I actually like asking women on a first date if they’ve ever been in love and what it was that made them fall in love.The best answer a girl ever gave me was, “I fall in love when I think I may have a future with the man” and I think that sums up a lot about women. Women are the practical sex, while men are the true romantics. It’s evolutionary. In the hunter gatherer state in which we evolved women can’t take care of themselves, nature’s too brutal. They need a strong man to do that, and women are evolved to find that man.So in a nutshell I believe we love that which is in our best interest to pass along our genes. For women that’s a strong, “alpha” man who also has the potential to take care of her long term. For men it’s the girl with better reproductive value than the others in his life, the one guys will describe as “she’s really hot and not like the rest!”This by the way is why I think future projection is such a powerful tool for players. If you effectively get a girl thinking she has a good future with you, then she has a good chance in falling in love with you. On the dark side of game this is exactly what pimps do.This also goes back to being daddy. Yes it feels good to love a woman who’s earned that from you. But you can’t let emotion cloud your judgement. You still have to lead. You still have to enforce your boundaries. You still have to put your mission in life first before your woman. Give your girl the gift of being swept off her feet and feeling the up and down emotions that go with love. Give her the gift of pleasing you and supporting you as your woman. You as the man can enjoy being in love too, but you can’t let that change your values or behaviors because as the man you have to lead.

10. Your thoughts on having children?I don’t have any children yet but I’ve realized this past year that I would like to have them at some point. After talking to a few men who have had kids and also understand game and the nature of men and women, I put together my thoughts in this post last year:Having Kids on My Terms – Magnum’s 7 Point ChecklistMy main girl has agreed with me on these terms and we’ve put a parenting agreement in place. We’re looking to have a kid exactly along the lines of my post some time in the next 1 to 3 years. We’ll see how that goes.

11. What are some common mistakes you see younger guys making, both in life and with women?The biggest mistake I see men make is that they don’t have a large, meaningful purpose in life with meaningful goals that has nothing to do with women. I also see that a lot of guys are inherently lazy and don’t want to do the work, or only want to improve enough to get a certain result and then stop.Life doesn’t work that way. For a man there is no stop to the hustle. Until you die. You need to have goals to work towards so you can experience the joy of progress, or you will not have a sense of satisfaction with your life. You need to always have game and leadership in your relationships with women, from fuck buddies to long term girls.Being successful in life is like being successfully fit – you don’t just diet for a while and then go back to your old habits. It’s a life long daily effort. Frankly I wouldn’t have it any other way.I wrote two blog posts last year with more thoughts on this:“There is no end game” is about the fact that as a man you must perform until you die (which is as it should be).“The secret to happiness” is about how our brains are actually wired to only be happy when we’re making progress, and how to design your life accordingly.

12. I imagine you’ve dated some very attractive women. Have you ever dated what you consider a 9 or 10? Did you have to do anything different to seduce her? Was she fundamentally different from a 7 or 8, or was she more similar than different? I have dated two girls that both well established professional models.  There was nothing different at all about dating them, the trick is actually finding and meeting them. One gave me an IOI at a club when I was talking to other girls, and the other was a daygame open on a hot Sunday afternoon. In both cases I didn’t know anything about their jobs, so I treated them like I would any other girl, which helps.

13. Did you ever have any sticking points or insecurities with women, or were you more of a natural growing up?Like I said, it’s not a sticking point but as a big introvert approaching is not my strength. That was the most critical piece for me in improving my game and getting the amount of experience I’ve had. And it’s work. As men we will always have the burden of initiating. I’ve found you have to get it to a process so it doesn’t crowd out your other priorities of the week.The other sticking point I had was originally I was talking too much on dates, which can often kill the vibe and her attraction. I learned it’s better to let her do most of the talking, while I listen, touch her, and give good eye contact.

14. “The best thing about women is _____.”Their feminine energy. Life for a man without women is all work and no play. Women add a sweetness to a man’s life that can’t be found in any other way. I love and enjoy them. The key is learning how to lead them properly.—Follow Magnum on Twitter and on his blog.

Follow Magnum on Twitter and on his blog.

Calibration and Game

One of the most commonly misunderstood areas of game is calibration. In particular, how do you adjust your game based on how the girl sees you at a given moment in time.

Understanding this is key to knowing which game tactics to use as part of your leadership of the seduction dance.

If you haven’t read Mystery Method yet by all means start there. Understanding the basic Attraction -> Comfort -> Seduction model is fundamental to game.

Most guys get the model. But with experience you also learn that in real life the process isn’t linear like the model. You don’t necessary go directly through each of the boxes Mystery lays out in the model one by one. Instead you fractionate between the various steps depending on where you are with the girl.

As Nash rightly points out you need to look at the guy/girl/context. The game you play will always depend on that context.

Mystery developed his method from doing night game in LA in the early 2000’s. That is just one context. A context where the girls have a high opinion of themselves from getting constantly approached. And being in LA the girls are also on the lookout for celebrities and other very high status men at the clubs, so they’re quick to filter and dismiss guys who don’t meet this standard.

Consequently classic mystery method assumes she considers her value higher than yours and so you in response you do things like:

• Work the venue first to establish your value via social proof and pre-selection (she needs to see you’re a fun guy who women like being around and who men instinctively follow).
• Open indirect (don’t show too much interest).
• If needed neg her (remember – a neg is not an insult but rather a neutral comment that can be interpreted positively or negatively, and so the ambiguity makes her wonder about herself).

Do this successfully, and assuming you’re a reasonably attractive guy physically relative to the girl, you’ll have successfully build up her perceived value of you while perhaps knocking down her off her pedestal a bit.

Once you’ve done the work in the attraction phase then you proceed to ground the interaction by bouncing to another spot and building comfort, with the intent to extract later for seduction.

That method works. And they will work in most contexts because in the majority of cases women will perceive their value as higher than the value of most men.

G’z up Ho’s Down

But what if you’re a man who has game, and/or has built your value over time, and/or have a lot of social proof in the situation, and/or maybe you’re traveling to a country where for whatever reason you’re perceived as “shiny” compared to the majority of local men?

What if she sees you has higher value than her from the start?

In this case where a girl perceives your value is higher than hers and you come in with a neg she may take it poorly and feel that you’re insulting her. Spend too much building yourself up with DHV stories and she may see you as way out of her league.

This can often lead to her not wanting to get pump and dumped, or even being more bitchy to you because she thinks you’re only pretending to like her for an easy lay.

In these cases you take a softer approach with more comfort, as the attraction is already well established:

• You show genuine interest in her and build connection.
• You throw in the occasional tease or push to keep things flirty but these are more gentle.
• Your main work is narrowing her perceived gap in your value so that you are still higher than her, but not so high she will get crushed. This means you show more of your K selected side.

Obviously the second case is much less common but it does happen.

I choose two extreme examples to illustrate the point. In reality this is an ongoing calibration you need to do in your interactions with women.

The point is there is an overall sweet spot. Women date up. You have to ensure she perceives your value as higher than hers, while at the same time if she perceives too big a gap she’ll likely withdraw to protect herself.

Be calibrated to where her perception is and you’ll know what elements of your game to bring to the situation.

If you have good game and a high intrinsic value (a goal for all of us) then you will find that after establishing the initial attraction you will spend more time in comfort (well named).

This goes true for ongoing relationships as well. Do behaviors that lower your value in her eyes and over time and she will lose attraction and stop seeing you. But if she sees your value getting higher than she’s comfortable with, you may find her creating drama, giving you comfort tests, or other type of attention seeking behavior to reassure yourself.

In the interest of completely nerding out, I’ve drafted a matrix to further illustrate. Enjoy:

	Gaming Her Value	Gaming Your Value
She sees herself as higher value	– Neg – Tease – Disqualify her	– Social proof – pre-selection – DHV stories about how awesome you are – Qualify her
She sees you as higher value	– Compliment her (this is where a lot of guys find that “beta” game works when traveling to non-western countries) – Future projection	– “Romantic” behaviors (this is the quadrant where a lot of girl advice on dating to men comes from, as women want to be dating men higher value than them) – Provide comfort – DHV with stories about how you support family

Again, you want to keep yourself in the “sweet spot” of her perceiving you as higher value than herself, but not not unattainably so.

Having Kids on My Terms – Magnum’s 7 Point Checklist

It seems inevitable. With few exceptions when a player’s been in the game long enough, he starts thinking about settling down in some way or at least having kids.

Guys like Paul Janka have settled in to long term relationships to have kids, and even Krauser mentions in his latest video his goal now is to settle down and have a family.

Maybe there’s a male biological clock of some kind. Maybe the dopamine highs of fucking new girls fades, while at the same time players miss the oxytocin hits of pair-bonding. Or maybe there comes the inevitable realization that life is short and it’s time to leave a legacy of some kind.

Regardless the reason I believe it’s worth thinking about and planning for, so when the desire to have kids comes around you have a plan for how you’ll approach it.

The Red Quest has an excellent long post on his thoughts around having kids the red pill way. As a red pill player and father, I find he has a very good perspective and it’s got me thinking about the subject.

It’s clear that modern marriage in the West no longer works. With a marriage contract, you sign away the rights to have your assets if either of you decided to end it, with no upside.

If that’s not enough, my own experience from my 13 year marriage and the many relationships I’ve observed is that if you live together with a woman, her desire to have sex with you instinctively goes away after 2-3 years. In my experience as well this can be deferred if you don’t live with her and spend plenty of time apart.

I’m not yet at the point where I want to have kids. But one of my realizations on a recent acid trip is that I do want them at some point. I’d also say I have a keener understanding of my mortality than most do as well given my chronic pain and injuries that are a daily reminder I’m past my prime physically.

Modern marriage doesn’t work. Living together with a woman also doesn’t work, at least for me. So given all this, what’s the right structure in which to have a kid?

I believe there is no one answer and it depends on the man and what he wants. I don’t have it figured out, but my current thoughts are this:

1. Don’t get legally married and have a co-parenting agreement in place.
2. Keep your finances 100% separate, but agree on some sort of monthly budget you provide to her and the kid you have. Legally do your best to have good asset protection practices in place.
3. Keep two residences. Have one for her and the kid, and a small separate apartment for yourself. Spend several nights a week apart.
4. Keep the relationship expressly open and have at least one side casual side girl at all times.
5. Have a signed, enforceable parenting agreement in place that you both sign. She needs to sign up to do the majority of the day to day chores of raising the kid.
6. Ensure all kids are paternity tested. This means taking a DNA sample at the time of birth and not signing any birth certificate until the kid is proven to be mine.
7. Choose a woman who has a family that will help in raising the kid.

This may be a tall order. It requires strong frame, good game, and a high degree of financial success.

It’s good to understand that child support is much cheaper in Europe than the US as well.

But if you’re in your late 30’s / early 40’s and have dated a lot of women, you should have the right frame and enough financial success to pull this off.

I’m 44 and yet still not in a hurry. We’ll see what the future holds. But welcome your comments. It’s good to have a plan ready for when the time comes.

Relationships on My Terms

One of my big focus areas these past three years has been harem building and retention.  It’s a type of pimp game in that you bring the girl into your orbit, consciously build her attachment to you, and shape her into what you want her to be. 

For me this is a sweet spot in the “r/K” or “lover/provider” spectrum. You build a connection with the girls in your rotation, often over months and sometimes years, but you have your freedom to be with other women as you please.

Bringing a girl into your rotation is like training a puppy, you reward and punish behaviors to enforce behavior. You lead her through a range of experiences, most importantly good sex, to get her hooked. It’s also important that your frame is 100% consistent with that of being a lover and you don’t slide into “boyfriend” behaviors or show signs of weakness.

Close…but I’m not one to wear hats

Iceberg slim’s autobiography has good examples, especially the advice he gets from the experienced pimp named Sweet.  And women do their own competing form instinctively as the process of “Betacization” As a man you have to be leading with your own relationship game or you will instead fall into the woman’s frame. 

“A good pimp is always really alone. You gotta always be a puzzle, a mystery to them. That’s how you hold a whore. Don’t get sour. Tell them something new and confusing every day. You can hold ’em as long as you can do it.”

“A pimp is the loneliest bastard on Earth. He’s gotta know his whores. He can’t let them know him. He’s gotta be God all the way.”

Sweet, from Iceberg Slim’s “Pimp”

These are the best quotes from that book and there’s a lot of game in this. To keep regular girls with who know you’re sleeping with other girls and get zero drama, you’ve got to have a 100% strong frame. You’ve got to be mysterious. You only see them once a week or less. You only text 1-2 times a week. And when you see them you fuck them good.

But to really convert her, you give her a range of emotions. You introduce her to new experiences inside and outside of the bedroom. You use BDSM and dirty talk to spike her emotions and connect with you. Occasionally you introduce a bit of controlled drama to give her the rollercoaster of emotions. You continue to escalate the compliance ladder with her inside and outside the bedroom to ensure she’s fully invested. Conversion is an art.

Converting a girl to you can be dark or light depending on what you want to do, which is why it’s rarely talked about.  This same process could be used to pimp out certain girls like in the book or to get yourself a sugarmama, but I’ve focused on it as way to build relationships on my terms. Creating wonderful, concurrent open relationships and life experiences with a variety of girls who’s company I enjoy.

Women get their agency through men, and they look for the right man to make the experiences and life that they want.  Myself, I look for girls who want to this experience. To discover themselves and the world, sexually and otherwise.  I’m the experienced man of the world who shows them the way. 

I’ve enjoyed seeing how girls blossom into what I want them to be all the while they enjoy the experience.  This is the same plot-line of romance novels, although with the fantasy in the end that the heroine wins the player over exclusively.  Women want you to be the man.  To lead.  To be “daddy”.  

As a man you have to know how to lead them through this nature to create something positive for both of you.  This is the “dance” I’ve alluded to in the past. 

The girl I call “Little me” ghost wrote an essay about me and told me about it so I could find it (she ghost wrote it via the author who’s actually pictured, Alexandria Brown, who is not Little Me).  It’s as good an example of how a woman truly wants to feel – the unsure excitement of whether or not she can win over a high value man:

I like complicated. I like dark. I like mysteries that need unraveling. I like you. I like everything you bring to the table even though all you can give me is a few late nights and never any early mornings. I like not knowing where this is going and if I’m ever going to see you again. I’m addicted to the rush that comes along with getting you every once in a while. It excites me.

“Little Me” writing about yours truly makes her feel.  Do read the whole thing.

Don’t be fooled.  This turmoil is what a woman truly wants.  Sexually I’ve seen how much women crave being dominated and submitting to a worthy man.  It’s no different emotionally.  But it has to be with the right balance.

These ongoing non-monogamous mini relationships have been the highlight of my life in game.  Far more than crazy game stories on how I managed to close a girl or one night stands.  I see this as my sweet spot. 

Both the girl and I get great sex, positive experiences, and good memories.  I get the freedom and variety I need as a man, but also gives me an outlet for the “affection addiction” that causes so many players to retire from the game.  

After this recent three week trip to New York I’m wondering if my desire to focus on this aspect of game came from the fact that SF is such a poor dating market for men.  It can take weeks for me to find girls who fit the bill above, and so when I do I want to ensure I manage the (open) relationship well. 

It may be tempting to go more “r” selected on the spectrum and just do one night stands when I move to NY.  But I don’t see myself going away from keeping 2-3 regular girls in my life (even while I enjoy regularly finding sport fucks on the side). 

I’m glad I spent the time in SF that I did. I don’t think it’s likely I’d have consciously focused on this skillset if I’d been in an easy city like NY.  

These have been some of the most fulfilling relationships I’ve ever had, even as these women come and go from my life over time.  

First Date Model Hypocrite

I’m a hypocrite. No sooner did I publish a post advocating the two date model then I go and get four first date lays in less than a month.

It’s not that I’m being disingenuous. Rather it was writing the post on my first date model that made me examine what I do on a date and it made me spell out my escalation process. Again I have to thank the gentlemen who encouraged me to start this blog.

Since my first date model post I’ve been ensuring that I hit each question on every first date (in a calibrated way, fractionated with small talk and appropriate kino).

The lesson here is that the two date model is a good structure, but calibration trumps structure every time. If you feel that it’s on by all means pull the trigger.

Again I think writing that post helped me be more mindful and systematic regarding what I’ve been doing on first dates, and then with a bit of luck, calibration, and leadership things have gone my way.

I’ve done 7 first dates with new girls in January so far (with 4 more scheduled here in NYC). This is in addition to seeing one of my regulars in Bangkok in early January and two of my regulars in SF mid-month. Here’s the break down of January’s 7 dates so far:

1. (closed) the very fun date with the 21 year old Miss Kuala Lumpur

2. (lost) A 23 year old nursing student in SF, solid date but wouldn’t bounce home with me. Trailed off in the after date texting.

3. (closed) A 24 year old nursing student in SF who I bounced home after she was very clearly “on” and had both her legs in my lap.

4. (dropped) A 23 year old New York girl who came out on the coldest day of the year. We had two drinks and it felt like I could bounce her home, but I opted not to since I was cold and not in the mood.

5. (dropped) A 28 year old Costa Rican girl here in NYC. Positive date, I had a date 2 lined up but it was stacked after date 7 below so I cancelled on her when I opted to take date 7 back to my place.

6. (closed) A 23 year old New York girl who flaked on me twice, but then begged me to meet up, and once she showed up turned out to be one of the biggest “yes” girls I’ve ever dated. It was completely on within 5 minutes of meeting, but I waited until she finished her drink before bouncing her home to prevent LMR. There was none. It just shows that sometimes girls can be random.

7. (closed) A 22 year old native New Yorker who was also a strong click from the beginning. Massive eye contact. I opted to bounce her to two different bars before taking her home (and cancelled on the Costa Rican girl as I did it). Several rounds of wild sex and a very fun date overall.

There is No End Game

A lot of men have been talking about end game (RedQuest | Roy Walker | Troy Francis | Krauser / Jimmy Jambone among others).  (addition 1/27: Tom Torero weighs in that there is no end game). The question seems to be, “is being a player all there is?” and “what comes after being a player?”.  It seems for many that after 5-10 years in the game the rush of getting yet another notch doesn’t do it any more. 

I suspect what this ultimately comes down to is that men want pair-bonding.  I’m 44 years old and have personally experienced the full range of types of relationships with women, from same day sport fucks to fuck buddies to harems to girlfriends to my marriage (ended 5 years ago). 

From this experience I truly believe that sexual pair-bonding with a woman can’t last more than 3-5 years tops, before your relationship degrades into routine without any real spark.  This is how nature intended it:  pair up long enough to produce offspring and get them into childhood, then rotate to a new partner to diversify your genes.  We can’t get around our DNA.  

So I’m at peace with being a player forever.  As a man you have to be able to bring new women into your life on an ongoing basis, and pair-bond with them as you see fit. 

What fits best for me (every man is different) is having 2-4 regular girls at a time in my life, where I see each once a week.  In effect this is a portfolio of girls with whom I pair-bond in different ways for as long as the honeymoon period lasts (“sweet spot” might be a better term), in some cases for years and still going. 

What I like about this in effect is I’m always in the honeymoon phase, even as girls eventually come and go.  It’s on you as the man to manage these relationships properly and keep them fresh.  

With hedonic adaptation our brains gets used to routine.  I attribute a portion of my satisfaction with this lifestyle to the fact that I never let these mini relationships get routine.  I vary up where we go, what we do, how we fuck every single time.  How we lead the dance makes a difference in getting more satisfaction and longevity out of these relationships while they last.

None of these relationships will last “forever” because nothing in life lasts forever.  There is no end to this process, just like there is no end to exercise and good nutrition.  It’s a part of a healthy life and supports you in your higher mission, whatever that is for you.  

This is why we have to constantly game and constantly build value as men.  We are not meant to rest in life.  We’re meant to strive till we die. 

Honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Happiness is making progress towards meaningful goals.  Achieving those goals is anti-climatic. 

There is no end game.

Addendum 2020:

Runner and I had a great conversation where we expanded on the concept of equilibrium. There is no end game, in that there is no rest for a man. You have to be on your game every single day, even in a serious relationship with a woman.

However, you can reach a state of balance, equilibrium, if you keep your game tight on a regular basis. I laid some of those behaviors out in my Rules of Retention post. No relationship lasts forever, but as a man you lead and you have the potential to keep things with a woman in a “sweet spot” for an indefinite amount of time, if you choose and if you lead properly.

Magnum’s First Date Model

Nash at Days of Game tweeted this at me the other day:

BTW…I have been coaching a friend.  And I was telling him your theories on MAKING OUT WITH THE GIRL on the FIRST DATE.

You/I have different strategies…so i told him both of ours, let him choose.  I bet other guys would like to hear your POV.

Nash @ Days of Game

With that set up how could I refuse?  For better or worse, here’s my dating model that I prefer. I know men like Nash and Pancake Mouse have different styles.  As the strong silent type, this is what works for me.  I went on dates with 157 different girls in 2017+2018 and you can see my results here (I closed 61% of these girls that I chose to pursue).

I primarily date from online game.  I find it more efficient here in San Francisco than I find daygame, and it allows me to number farm during the day while I’m working and then reserve evenings for the actual dates.  This may be an extension of good looking guy game, but I have really good pictures so I find in SF the quality is about the same between online and daygame as well.  

I default to a two date model.  The first date is usually an hour or so at a nice bar convenient to my place.  The second date is dinner at my place (or if she rejects this another drink at another bar nearby).  

Since usually the first date is the first time I’m seeing the girl in person, it helps me screen if I really want to go any further with her (of the 157 girls I met up with in 2017+2018 I choose not to pursue 85 of them).  I’ll end the date quickly if I’m not in to her with no remorse. 

I find the more attracted I am to a girl the more she feels this and reflects it back to me.  Girls can feel when you’re not that in to them but trying to fuck them because she just happens to be there.  

There are plenty of times when I feel that “it’s on” and so opt to pull the trigger to bounce her to my place on the first date.  I don’t plan on it, but it happened for 10% of the girls I opted to pursue, including the Malaysian girl last week.  

The two date model has the advantage of reducing the ASD you’ll get verses trying to push for the lay on the first date.  I find with my approach although it usually takes two dates to seal the deal, I end up spending less face time with her than it would take to bounce to multiple date venues and also bust through ASD like you often have to in order to get the first date lay.

Mystery said it takes about 7 hours of face time to close a girl, but with a two date model I find it’s often more like 2-3 hours if you do it right.  This is because the vacuum between the two dates does some of the work for you.  What can I say I’m all about efficiency.

I could write pages on how to do a first date, but a few key points come to mind:

• Make her hug you when you meet, start talking to her like you already know her. 
• Ignore her beauty.  I’ve always been good at this naturally, go on a lot of dates so you don’t give a fuck about closing any one particular girl.  She needs to feel this.
• She will mirror your frame.  If you’re attracted it should raise your vibe and she will feel it and it will raise her attraction.  
• Tease her within the first 20 seconds of meeting – I like to make a playful observation about what she’s wearing.
• She may be a bit challenging in the beginning.  Usually not shit tests but challenging.  Shrug it off and tease / challenge her as appropriate, with your confident masculine vibe.  She’ll start to fall under your frame and the rest is downhill from there.
• Be sure to sit side by side at a bar or couch so you can kino.
• Lead the conversation but ensure she does 70-80% of the talking.  Do this by mostly asking questions.
• Lean back and be relaxed.  Your body language should be confident.  The most important thing is your eyes.   Make strong eye contact, but at times also look away.  You can seduce a woman who doesn’t speak your language purely with body language and eye contact, as I did in Thailand.
• For the first 10 minutes do mostly get to know you chit-chat with the occasional tease. This part may need to be higher energy on your part to get things going.  You should already start to kino her by touching her hand, or evening interrupting what she says to touch and make a comment about her jewelry.  Touch her elbow, knee, etc to emphasize points.
• About 10 minutes in start to work in verbal escalations.  Fractionate between escalations and normal get to know you chit chat about her family and aspirations.  Calibrate how far you push this based on her responses and body langauge.  These are questions like:
  • What’s your guilty pleasure?
  • What kind of guys do you like?
  • When was your last significant relationship?  What was the sex like?
  • How do you prefer to cum?
  • (towards the end) what do you like about me?
• As appropriate throw in the occasional (20% of talking) DHV story
• Continue to escalate the kino and intensity of eye contact.  
• Make comments to show you are “woke” and get the “secret society”.  My go to comment is how “it’s a double standard that women get judged and it’s wrong.  We’re all sexual beings, and it’s a shame society makes women hide it.”  This goes a long way to letting them get comfortable with you as the “lover” instead of a beta “provider”.
• Be the one to end the conversation around the hour mark.  You’re a man in demand and have to go.

She should come away from this first date feeling good from the talking, the kino, and the fractionation of conversation topics.  But also wondering if she’s going to see you again because you ended it. 

If you do want to see her again text her the next day and pitch date 2 at your place.  If you do date 1 right she should happily agree to it, and sex is highly likely.  Because you built this bubble with her and then vacuumed for 24 hours or so after before texting her again, she feels your value and is more eager to close the deal.  With this two date model you can lose girls if it takes too long between date 1 and date 2, but you also don’t get much ASD on the date 2’s at your place.

I never go for a kiss on the first date because I have found it raises ASD for date 2.  The little hamster in her girl brain can justify coming over to your place by saying, “we haven’t even kissed yet, so we’ll probably just do that”.  If you’ve kissed her on date 1, she will understand that you will want more than that on date 2, which raises her ASD and makes it less likely she’ll come over.  Kissing her on a date when you’re not going to pull the trigger to go all the way also kills some of your mystery and raises ASD and buyer’s remorse.  

That’s what I do in a nutshell.  If you want more resources on how to do this I highly recommend either “Get to Sex Fast” or Krauser’s “Daygame Mastery“.

Welcome any and all comments you may have below.

Addendum:

It should go without saying, but this only a model and should be subject to calibration. If you sense it’s “on” after doing the above, bounce her home or isolate her and escalate to fuck her.

But I’d only recommend doing this if you’re reasonably sure it’s on, if you escalate for sex on the first date and don’t close, there’s a high chance she’ll ghost afterwards.

Relationships are like Salsa Dancing

Relationships are like salsa dancing.  As the man you have to lead, but it’s a partnership between the both of you.  It also take much longer for a man to learn salsa than a woman, just like relationships.  But we have no choice but to do it.

The first time I went salsa dancing was on a 2nd date with a very cute Czech girl.  We got a little drunk, and she said she wanted to salsa (she was good).  In my inexperience I said “sure”.  When in doubt I say “yes”, but in retrospect I should have avoided putting myself into a situation where I was a beginning in front of a girl I was interested in.

At the club I didn’t have any inhibitions and did my best to lead by watching the other couples.  If you’ve never danced salsa, the man leads and decides every twirl and step.  He completely controls the woman’s experiences.  She gets to twirl around and he looks like h’s just doing a few steps, but the realty is she follows his movements and interpretation of the music completely.  The entire quality of her experience is on him.  It takes years for a man to get good, in part because even an experienced woman can’t teach him.  Whereas a woman can learn in a few sessions because she simply needs to respond to her partner.

So back to my salsa date, I did a fair job faking it for a man who had never even seen salsa dancing before.  but eventually she craved the real thing and I let her dance with a short old guy in his 60’s.  What a difference it was, and she loved it.  Not surprisingly, I never did sleep with her.  But I saw first hand how dating needs to be.  We as men must lead and take the time to learn how to lead right.  We can only learn through experience with some help from other men.  It’s an art just like dancing.  Maybe over time I’ll share how I’ve learned to do it right.