How to Live with a Woman on your Terms

(On other words, how to keep your financial freedom and ability to have side women while living with your main girl)

I was married for over a decade before I finally got divorced 7 years ago. And I can confidently tell you that I will never get legally married again. Unless she makes way more money than you there’s no upside as a man, but there can be a ton of downside to getting married.

So why did I bother reading the “Ultimate Marriage Manual“? Because I could some day see myself living with a woman again. Not now but some day.

But I’d only live with a woman if I set things up properly and on my terms.

Don’t let the “open marriage” in the title fool you…this book is really about how to live with a woman on your terms (regardless of legal structure), which is something most men want to do at some point in their lives.

As with all of Caleb’s stuff, these are the books I wish I had when I was 14 years old and first trying to understand what it meant to be a man, how things really worked beneath the veneer of society, and are what the rules and process to follow to get the results you want.

TL:DR – If what you want is to live with a woman on your terms, than this is the book to learn how to do that (the author uses “marriage” to mean any time you live with a woman, regardless of legal status).

Arguably the biggest decision a man will ever make is whether to have children and what woman will be the mother of his child. And related to that question is whether or not you will ever want to live with a woman.

Most men naturally seem to want this at some point, and yet doing this wrong has the potential to have the biggest negative effect on your life of any choice a man can make.

It doesn’t have to be, but it has that risk. The last time I lived with a woman I made all kinds of mistakes.

I didn’t like my apartment at the time, and I needed a surgery on my hip that would leave me immobile for a month. My girlfriend at the time (who was looking to settle down) “innocently” suggested that I live with her in her place. I’d save a lot of money on rent and she’d be able to take care of me while I recover.

Not thinking past a few months out, it seemed like a great idea at the time. Of course, I’d been cheating on her regularly since I never stopped dating other women even after she gave me an ultimatum early in the relationship to be exclusive and I didn’t think through what living together would mean with that.

After a few months I found I hated not having my freedom and having to see her every single day took a lot of the joy out of the relationship. I started dating even more women on the side. My girlfriend eventually found my supply of condoms and realized I’d been fucking other girls the whole time, and we had an ugly breakup where we fought nightly until I could find a new place to live. Not fun.

I got off easy. My divorce cost me half my net worth. My breakup with my girlfriend was an ugly affair that caused me a lot of drama and daily fights for weeks. But there could have been larger legal issues, child custody issues, and more if I had been less lucky. These are just a few examples of how a man can fuck up from my own personal experience. There are countless other pitfalls as well.

The best way to avoid all this is to do what I’ve done the past 5 years since the breakup with my last girlfriend – date multiple women at the same time, don’t see any one woman more than once a week, don’t call or text too often….you can get close to them but don’t get too close so you avoid getting burned.

This actually has been good for me for several years, and I think for some men it’s enough for the rest of their lives.

But at another level I believe most men want to pair bond and have children. It’s in our DNA and you can argue that passing along a legacy to your children is the entire point of life.

Everyone’s life goes in phases and there will likely come a phase where a man is ready to bond more deeply with one women over the others and move in with her.

But how do you do this on your terms and avoid all the legal pitfalls and loss to your freedom?

“Married and bored or single and lonely…” – how to avoid both at the same time?

This book sets the framework for how to do it right.

The framework from the book is consistent with all the other dating and game skills and principals that I’ve advocated, as does everyone else in this community of men who actively game women and look for what actually works.

Here is a list of just a few things I took away from the “Ultimate Marriage Manual” that I’m sure I’ll use some day when I actually live with a woman:

1. How to create an open relationship with your girl in the first place.
2. How to decided whether or not you want to live with a woman.
3. When you do decide to live with a woman, how to structure the logistics and financial aspects to protect your future income and assets, while also giving you the freedom you need to do your own thing (including banging fuck buddies on the side as part of your open relationship).
4. How to maintain her attraction for the length of the relationship (there is no end game even when you live with a woman) and ensure you get the sex you want. A big part of this when you live with a woman is preventing “Betaization”.
5. Various optimal living arrangements with a woman, including having your own additional separate place for your side girls.
6. How to balance the time you spend together vs the time you spend apart.
7. Specific process and techniques for minimizing and correcting her drama and handling emotional situations with her. These are especially useful when you can’t “soft next” her because you live in the same place.
8. Legal factors to consider in addition to keeping finances separate, include asset protection strategies and cohabitation agreements.
9. Additional things to consider to make all of this successful if you also have kids.

Most men could go through divorce and bad breakups like me and never figure out all of the above on their own.

But here it all is in one place. Everything you need to live with a woman on your own terms.

I’d highly recommend this book to any man who dates women.

Book Review: Girl Junkie

I’ve been following Krauser’s blog since 2009 or so, after Roissy first linked to it many years ago.  I’m sure most of my readers know and respect him.  He’s not only one of the best writers in game, but he also helped formalize the London daygame model which is the framework many of us use. 

I’ve learned a lot by reading Krauser over the years, and I’ve enjoyed reading all four of his memoir volumes.  Krauser highlighting up and coming daygame bloggers is also the reason I was able to connect with Nash at Days of Game, and I’m grateful for that as well.

So naturally I was looking forward to reading the 5th installment of his series, “Girl Junkie” which covers his exploits in 2015. 

Worth a read…

Having followed his blog all these years Krauser’s memoirs have been especially interesting because the give background and context to many of the stories he’s posted there. 

Each volume has delivered on its promise:  well told interesting stories that both entertain as well as deliver game tidbits and perspective by example. 

With each volume I find myself underling certain ideas and passages to bring into my own game toolkit.  

Girl Junkie continues with this streak and doesn’t disappoint. 

Having read the other four volumes over the last four years or so, it’s difficult to remember the differences between the books.  They’re all consistent Krauser.  With Girl Junkie what stands out to me as a long time Krauser reader is he has matured. 

There is less preening.  Even though Girl Junkie covers the most recent year of the five volumes, where Krauser’s game had continued to improve, in many ways he’s more humble in this book and from my read it seems to have a greater balances of both the frustrations and successes.  We all learn more from our failures and this makes for a more human and interesting read.

Krauser also raises some interesting questions on the players journey and whether it’s possible to go too far.  In the year of game he covers in this book he is all about fast escalation and the fast pull, often just for the sake of the dopamine rush it provides.  He knowingly burns a lot of leads he might have closed otherwise because he can’t be bothered to take more time on.  Most guys never get to this point, but it is a pitfall for long term players. 

He hints in the end at further changes, and I look forward to seeing if he explores this further.

Some of my favorite quotes of the book include:

• “So long as you aren’t naive enough to invest emotions into your dealing with them, sluts are a lot of fun.  They can be amongst the most honest and direct girls you ever meet; so long as you’re the casual sex guy and not a potential husband.”
• Specific examples of how he visualizes sexual scenes with girls on the street to increase his sexual intent as he goes to approach, improving results.
• “Once you understand the concept of ‘frame’, you understand its power.  If you can direct your mind with the correct metaphors, that imagery will fill in all the blanks for you and power you through self-doubt.”
• “We aren’t stealing anything (from the girl).  It’s the opposite, we are building up something special and offering girls an opportunity.”
• Details of what caused the fall out between Krauser and Torero, from Krauser’s perspective.
• Plenty of good examples of lines and tactics with girls.
• Plenty of logistical details for Krakow, Warsaw, Prague, and Kiev for anyone who ever plans to game those cities.
• “I believe a man shouldn’t burden others with his problems.  Part of being a man is carrying weight on your own shoulders.  It can be a tightrope with girls, to share enough of your inner world that they feel connection but to close off those insecurities and frustrations that would undermine her assessment of your confidence.”
• “Her first response (or lack thereof) is the strongest single signal of how likely she is to fuck.” (referring to her first text response after the street number close).
• “Something funny just occurred to me,” I said mid-way through a script that had actually occurred to me two years ago and had been carefully refined through practice ever since.  “isn’t it interesting that nobody even knows we met?  It’s like, everything we say and do is one big secret.”
• “being a girl, she was fascinated by the sudden conviction with which I delivered the lecture.  I saw her eyes sparkle in sexual attraction.”
• “Any time a girl chases you let her come.  Don’t snatch the reins and start leading.”

As the entertainment industry has become increasingly politically correct, I find there are less and less movies and books that I can actually enjoy.  They just don’t match reality. 

For a man that understands how the world works Krauser’s memoirs are a refreshing exception.  I enjoy the writing as entertainment, and there are plenty of golden nuggets of game that I took notes on as well to refine what I do.

Highly recommended.

Book Review: Sex Clubs, Non-monogamy, and Game by the Red Quest

I had the privilege of being one of the men that the Red Quest asked to provide input on the manuscript for his book, “Sex Clubs, Non-Monogamy, and Game“.  He’s finished the book in part with my input and is now giving the book away for free (downloadable at the link).

Worthwhile read

It’s a unique book based on his years of experience in the sex club / swinger scene in his city.  In the first half of the book he covers why a man would want to include sex clubs as part of his game, and in the second half of the book he shares lots of specific examples from his own dating life.  

Personally I haven’t had direct experience with sex clubs.  I’ve had FFM threesomes, and I once took a 22 year old I was dating to a sex club here in San Francisco.  But we left after 10 minutes, the club was slow and frankly we didn’t like the looks of anyone else there.  So I was curious to read Red Quest’s take on this scene and how to integrate it into non-monogamous relationship management.

As I’ve written about here and here, it’s your role as a man to lead your woman.  Lead her experience and take her to places she’s never been before.  Doing this right I’ve been able to keep the attractive women I want in my life, without having to promise monogamy.  Women want to be lead by an exciting lover as a means for them to experience the world.  And I can see from “Sex Clubs, Non-Monogamy, and Game” that sex clubs could be part of your larger game in doing this leading…if you had the skills and inclination.

After reading this book, here are the positives I see for bringing your girls to sex clubs:

• you frame yourself as top tier lover because you’ve opened her to experiences she’s only fantasized about but would never make happen on her own
• her attraction for you can increase as she watches you fuck other girls (preselection at its most primal)
• you can leverage her for variety both by swapping her with other couples and also having her recruit other girls for you
• the sex club scene in your city becomes a long term “ecosystem” / social circle you can leverage for constantly finding new partners – if you have the social savvy and sex skills to be a top-tier guy in the sex club scene in your city

Here are the downsides I see:

• I doubt most guys can pull this off – this is advanced level game and your looks, game, and sex skills need to be on point.  You need a strong frame and ability to lead
• other guys will try and poach your girl
• you have to manage not just your relationship with the girl you bring but your relationship with the other couples you play with
• most guys won’t enjoy watching “their” girl fuck other guys…even if it means they get to fuck other girls at the same time
• From my very limited experience in San Francisco I’m not convinced there are many attractive women in the sex club scene (I’m picky and prefer petite college aged girls)

I think this is a worthwhile read to any one who’s had some curiosity about the sex club world.  There’s value here in reading about Red Quest’s advanced level game in action, even if all you’re looking to do is merge girls you’re already dating into a FFM threesome with you. 

Read it and decide for yourself if it’s a world you want to enter.