Female Rejection and the Art of Game

In this short video Dannybooboo work’s through the age old question of why women do what they do including:

• Why do women do seemingly random things?
• Is a woman’s perceived reality different than true reality?
• Do attractive women ever actually experience rejection?

This led me to a couple of thoughts.

Girls do experience plenty of rejection, but it’s different from how men experience.

Girls also do experience reality accurately, but it’s a filtered version of it (just like men do…but the filters are different so each sex sees a subset of reality and uses that to their interest).

One way I think of women is essentially a “walking womb” (womb-man). She has the eggs which are the gateway to reproduction and she gets to decide who gets a shot and breeding with her eggs.

Deep to a woman’s core she wants the best quality DNA she can find to fertilize her, and nothing less. Everything women do is to filter men for quality, they only choose the best quality they can get.

Women are amazingly good at this, the filter of reality they see works very well for this.

Everything else in their view of reality is secondary, essentially at a deep level their bodies know men will take care of the rest for them as long as they can find and keep high quality men in their life.

I do think girls experience plenty of rejection, even attractive ones. Some specific examples of rejection that girls experience are:

• The guy they want to approach them doesn’t (this increases over time as they age. I’d say 80% of women don’t get approached because they’re not a cute girl in prime age…we just don’t see these invisible women).
• The guy they want to text them / return their text doesn’t.
• The guy who took them out on a date doesn’t text for another date.
• The guy who fucks them doesn’t contact them afterwards.
• The guy they’re dating won’t commit to monogamy/marriage/whatever next step.
• The man they’re in a relationship with dumps them.
  
  All this is even more painful for women because above all else they crave quality male attention (because this is what leads to everything else they need, good quality DNA and provisioning/protection).

One of the best dynamics to bring to your game is to take on the frame of being the chooser.

It’s an art to get to this point because in reality as men we’re the ones who are pursuing. But to have that frame of constantly evaluating her, being critical of her responses/behavior (in a cocky/funny way) gives her the anxiety of this guy could reject me so I have to work hard to win him because he’s a prize.

Ultimately this is where you want to be, because women date up. They need to feel this tension/anxiety of he may reject me.

It’s core to game.

Now is the Time to Accelerate

2020 was a tough year…and a massive opportunity.

Most people would say 2020 was a tough year. Lockdowns. Political unrest. Small business going under. People begging for token $600 checks from their governments who caused all this mess in the first place.
 
And yet 2020 was a year of massive opportunity.  There was never a better year for making investments…if you had the foresight and stomach to stay in or even add to investments in April when stocks were a bargain.  

Restaurants and nightlife were mostly closed. But there was never a better year to focus on your health, improving your diet, and developing a solid workout routine without ever having to pay gym fees again.

2020 was a tough year for dating. But this was the perfect year to develop and improve your online dating skills, as well as your retention ability with regular girls. 

Did you have the discipline to seize the opportunity that 2020 offered you?

The challenges and opportunities of 2020 are going to accelerate into 2021 and beyond.

Those with the strength and discipline to seize these opportunities will prosper like never before. 

Those who are weak will fall further behind.

Now is the time to make the right choice for yourself. 

Attractive Male Archetypes

With the China virus lockdown I haven’t had as much to write about. I’ve been gaming less new girls because most haven’t been willing to come out, and many have moved home with family and away from the city. The herd has been spooked.

Thankfully I’ve had my main girl and regulars, even as I’ve missed gaming new girls at my old rate. But things will open up again soon.

Despite the less gaming I’ve been too busy to write. The silver lining of the lockdown has been that was an excellent time to invest in yourself. I’ve used the extra time to improve my business, make strategic investments to take advantage of the market volatility, and also to continue my fitness and health goals.

To me this is a big part of what being a man is about. We must have a larger mission in life that we’re working towards. By this I mean a vision for where we want to be in 20 years and a clear plan we’re making progress against that will take us there.

Women are great. But game and women alone aren’t enough. These things can’t be your mission.

I view success with women like I view good nutrition. You need to know how to eat right to be healthy and fit, just like you need to know game and relationship management in order to have good sex and the dating life you want. But good nutrition alone is not enough to be fit, and women alone are not enough to make you happy.

Yes, if you do either of these things poorly you will be miserable. Dating, like nutrition, is necessary but not sufficient by itself to make you happy for the long term. But once you learn how to manage nutrition and women these things they simply become habits and process that contribute to your day to day enjoyment as you work on your larger goals.

Which leads me to the point of this post: Having a mission in life that you’re passionately working towards will also help your game tremendously.

It doesn’t matter what the mission is. What matters is that you’ve defined who you are and what you’re life is, and that you are passionate about it.

Women don’t directly care about your mission. That’s too abstract. Women are beings of feeling, and those feelings are instinctive responses to stimuli. Cause and effect.

What women want to sense in you is that you have a rock solid core and that you’re going somewhere good.

Krauser calls this out in his famous post on soul collection. Jimmy Jambone consistently emphasizes the attraction switches triggered in women from a high value man. And Thomas Crown recently wrote about a great post about understanding your niche and making sure you maximize what it is about you that appeals to that niche. I highly recommend every man in the game read and internalize these posts.

Having a larger mission will also go a long way towards inoculating you against the emotional ups and downs in your women life as well. This again makes you more attractive.

(If you’re looking for help in setting your mission I highly recommend the book, “The Unchained Man” or even signing up for coaching)

Applying All This to Game

The way I see your mission come out in the early stages of seduction is that who you are is aligned to certain attractive male archetypes. This helps with the initial impression that you make, from opening through the first few weeks of dating (if you choose to go that far).

If who you actually are deep inside is congruent with one of these archetypes it will expand the range of girls who are attracted to you, and improve your conversion rates as well.

Your mission and your identity should congruently combine with your style, attractive masculine traits, and personality to form an overall attractive package. From the opening through the initial dating phases that overall attractive package will usually fall into one or more attractive archetypes.

Here are a few examples of what I mean:

Archetype	Some Examples	Why Archetype is Attractive
Rebel	– Jeremy Meeks – Travis Scott – etc	– Goes his own way / not a follower – Independent – Exciting – Unpredictable – Willing to emote – Successful risk taker – Dominant
Artist	– Jared Leto – Johnny Depp – musicians – writers – etc	– Willing to emote – Pre-selection – Social status – Exciting – Unpredictable – Can take her into his world
Playboy	– Patrick Schwarzenegger – Leonardo DiCaprio – club promoters – etc	– Pre-selection – Social status – Exciting experiences
Daddy	– Liam Neeson – Cary Grant – etc	– Leader – Protector of loved ones – Experienced – Calm, always in control – Confident – Dominant – Gives her structure she craves – Successful in his domain – Can take her into his world

I’m sure you can think of plenty of other examples, but this should give you the idea.

With all these archetypes the key is to be authentic. A hipster artist wannabe will be highly unattractive. The archetype needs to be who you are.

Notice how many of the examples could actually fit into a few of the archetypes. Jared Leto for example could likely fit across the rebel, artist, and playboy archetypes.

Here’s the bottom line. Define your life’s mission and work on it every single day. Leverage it in a congruent way so that who you are comes across in one or more attractive archetypes for women, and it will help you game.

Welcome your thoughts and comments as always.

– Magnum

Rivelino's Fourteen Questions with Magnum

I was honored to have Rivelino interview me as part of his ongoing game questions on his blog.

Riv asked some great thought-provoking questions that pulled some decent answers out of me that I didn’t even know I had.

Highly recommended. Please check it out on Rivelo’s blog

– Magnum

Here’s Rivelino’s transcript as well:

Magnum is living large. He’s tall, good-looking, traveling the world, having sex with lots of young women. He also has an excellent blog, with his famous first date model and a simple nutrition guide that I liked a lot. Here’s my interview with Magnum. He’s got a lot of knowledge to share, so pay attention.

Fifteen Questions with Magnum

1. Basic biographical info
Name: Magnum
Age: 45
Height: 6’3″
Lifetime bangs: low triple digits

2. How did you discover Game? Who were your biggest influences?
I discovered game by finding Roissy in DC’s blog back in 2008. This was before it became Heartiste. Back then Roissy was just taking off, and over the next few years he put to words a lot of the concepts that influenced later writers. I know both Blackdragon and Krauser have credited Roissy as a big influence, and those two guys along with Tom Torero would be my next biggest influences. Blackdragon for online game and relationship management, and Krauser and Torero for daygame and texting game (Mr V‘s recently published text game summary is also outstanding). I also learned a lot from Christian McQueen and Goldmund when it comes to approaching, non-verbal game, drawing women in to you, and getting women addicted to how you fuck them.

3. Everything you know about women, can you distill it down to 5 key points?
There’s an art to women that goes well beyond just a few points. But in terms of essential frameworks that span across your every interaction with women, these are the three key themes that come to mind:

A) You are her daddy. She is not your peer, she is your girl. This means you lead. You alone are responsible for every interaction and making things go well, from choosing what you do when out, to how the sex will go down, to punishing bad behavior. This is what she wants. She will test your conviction if she senses weakness, but once you’ve proven your strength and leadership she will naturally become feminine and crave your leadership. It’s the dynamic that is meant to be between women and men.

B) Push/pull should be infused in your every interaction with women. Your relationships with women, from opening them on the street, to texting, to dates, to sex, to ongoing relationship management at whatever level you choose – it’s a dance. You are leading her emotions and enabling experiences for the both of you, experiences she can feel. She feels this through the ups and downs. You compliment her, and then you follow it with a tease. You tease her on the date and bring up sexual topics, and then you switch to normal comfort topics in the very next sentence like it’s no big deal. You fuck her hard telling her what a dirty little slut she is while you choke her, and then you slow it down and tell her how close you feel to her and how you can tell by how wet she is that she’s been missing you while you let her feel your affection. You take her on a fun adventure date, and then you don’t text her for a few days. The worst sin with women is to be boring…push/pull done well ensures you never will be.

C) As a man you need to have a larger mission in life than your woman. This is what gives you the true outcome independence that will keep you unaffected by the ups and downs of dating. You need to have spent time on your own in learning who you are, and what you want to achieve in life. These achievements have to be meaningful, long term things that excite you, and cannot be just about women. When you have this larger purpose in life, and you are making progress towards that, you will be happy. This ties to being daddy. Women can feel if you are a man and if you have this purpose, or if you’re lost. It makes you outcome independent. Did a girl flake on your date that night? No problem, that means you get to work on your real passion whatever that is. Is a girl you’re seeing giving you drama? No problem, just next her. You’ve got more important things to do than spend time with any one woman who doesn’t meet your standards of behavior. Outcome independence makes you much more attractive to women as well as a bi-product. They want to be apart of a man’s world, they do not want to be a man’s world. I view women like I view good nutrition. It’s necessary but sufficient. If you fuck up your nutrition or your dating life it will have a big negative impact on your life. But having good nutrition or a good dating life alone is not enough to be happy overall as a man, we are much bigger than that.

4. Since your divorce, you’ve been traveling a lot and having a lot of success with women. Do you have a favorite type of girl (ethnicity, body type, hair color)? Has that changed at all from the woman you married?
I’ve been consistent my adult life in that I prefer petite, feminine, slender women with dark hair. I also prefer women who are intelligent, highly sexual, and typically have some sort of outsider status to them, which can mean a lot of different things. When I first started dating again after my divorce I was dating women from their late 20’s into their late 30’s. But as I gained experience and improved my game and dating I learned that I prefer younger women and I learned how to meet them. The average age of the girls I’ve slept with since 2016 is 24, while the average age between my divorce in 2013 and the end of 2015 was 31. I see this as a good improvement.

5. I’m curious about what you mean by women with “outsider status”. Can you give an example? Why are you attracted to this type of woman, is it because they’re more interesting or unpredictable?
When I say “outsider status” I’m borrowing a Krauser term, one of the many good ones he’s defined in game. By outsider status I mean that the girl at least views herself as in some way outside of the mainstream for girls her age. That can mean a lot of different things, such as, she’s an introvert, or into a certain party or music sub culture, or she’s into older guys and BDSM, or whatever. The important thing is this is part of her self image, and so consistent with that self image she’s at least open to dating a man like me who’s much older than her and outside of her normal social circle. I find girls who have this outsider status tend to be more intelligent and more interesting as well. I enjoy the process of learning how they think and also about the various subculture interests they have.

6. Reading your blog, you seem to be successful in everything you do: finances, fitness, women, travel, basically everything. What’s next?
My number one goal in life right now is to continue to fix a collection of old injuries that have left me with chronic pain. More than anything else I can do, that will improve my life from where I am now. I’m making progress and I’m optimistic I can finally put it to rest in 2020, but it’s a long term goal not entirely in my control. Frankly nothing else matters if you don’t have your health.

My next biggest goal is to get my side consulting business to the profit goals for it that I have for this year. I have a full time job that I love, but I’ve enjoyed starting up something on the side completely from scratch that I own with no partners.

Beyond that, my main girl and I are looking to have a kid in line with my blog post on the subject. This means having the kid and raising him together in a way that also protects my independence.

The best answer a girl ever gave me was, “I fall in love when I think I may have a future with the man” and I think that sums up a lot about women. Women are the practical sex, while men are the true romantics. It’s evolutionary. In the hunter gatherer state in which we evolved women can’t take care of themselves, nature’s too brutal. They need a strong man to do that, and women are evolved to find that man.

So in a nutshell I believe we love that which is in our best interest to pass along our genes. For women that’s a strong, “alpha” man who also has the potential to take care of her long term. For men it’s the girl with better reproductive value than the others in his life, the one guys will describe as “she’s really hot and not like the rest!”

7. What are some quotes/concepts that have helped guide you through life?It’s not a quote or concept but I internalized early in life that I own my own results. Good or bad, my outcomes in life are my responsibility and based on my decisions and action.I played American football as well as rugby when I was in school. We had good coaches and it was a very hard program in that the teams at our school trained longer and more intensely than the teams at the other schools we played. This made that program consistently successful year in and year out regardless of specific players on the team. As a player in that program you worked hard every single day and you never quit, 4 plus hours a day 6 days a week. More than anything I internalized that I own my own results and that perseverance is the biggest factor in achieving any results you want to get, and that as much as anything has got me what success I’ve had.

8. A weakness you’ve overcome, and how did you overcome it?I wouldn’t call it a weakness, but I’m an INTJ and a fairly strong introvert, which can work against you in game. I think this is especially true in the US which has an extroverted culture. So I play to my strengths. I’m not the type of guy who’s going do well opening groups of girls in a club, but I’m quite naturally the “strong, quiet type” that a lot of women really like and I’m a good conversationalist with them 1:1 in a chill place. So for example I play to this strength on first dates by leading the conversation through questions and let the girl talk about herself. She enjoys feeling heard and feels more connected to me, and at the same time I come across as mysterious which draws women in, and I’m happy to let her do 90% of the talking. We all have to find our own style within game that suits our personality, and I’ve found mine over the course of doing hundreds of dates over the years.

9. Your thoughts on love?I’ve been meaning to do a post on this when I’ve got my thoughts collected. I actually like asking women on a first date if they’ve ever been in love and what it was that made them fall in love.The best answer a girl ever gave me was, “I fall in love when I think I may have a future with the man” and I think that sums up a lot about women. Women are the practical sex, while men are the true romantics. It’s evolutionary. In the hunter gatherer state in which we evolved women can’t take care of themselves, nature’s too brutal. They need a strong man to do that, and women are evolved to find that man.So in a nutshell I believe we love that which is in our best interest to pass along our genes. For women that’s a strong, “alpha” man who also has the potential to take care of her long term. For men it’s the girl with better reproductive value than the others in his life, the one guys will describe as “she’s really hot and not like the rest!”This by the way is why I think future projection is such a powerful tool for players. If you effectively get a girl thinking she has a good future with you, then she has a good chance in falling in love with you. On the dark side of game this is exactly what pimps do.This also goes back to being daddy. Yes it feels good to love a woman who’s earned that from you. But you can’t let emotion cloud your judgement. You still have to lead. You still have to enforce your boundaries. You still have to put your mission in life first before your woman. Give your girl the gift of being swept off her feet and feeling the up and down emotions that go with love. Give her the gift of pleasing you and supporting you as your woman. You as the man can enjoy being in love too, but you can’t let that change your values or behaviors because as the man you have to lead.

10. Your thoughts on having children?I don’t have any children yet but I’ve realized this past year that I would like to have them at some point. After talking to a few men who have had kids and also understand game and the nature of men and women, I put together my thoughts in this post last year:Having Kids on My Terms – Magnum’s 7 Point ChecklistMy main girl has agreed with me on these terms and we’ve put a parenting agreement in place. We’re looking to have a kid exactly along the lines of my post some time in the next 1 to 3 years. We’ll see how that goes.

11. What are some common mistakes you see younger guys making, both in life and with women?The biggest mistake I see men make is that they don’t have a large, meaningful purpose in life with meaningful goals that has nothing to do with women. I also see that a lot of guys are inherently lazy and don’t want to do the work, or only want to improve enough to get a certain result and then stop.Life doesn’t work that way. For a man there is no stop to the hustle. Until you die. You need to have goals to work towards so you can experience the joy of progress, or you will not have a sense of satisfaction with your life. You need to always have game and leadership in your relationships with women, from fuck buddies to long term girls.Being successful in life is like being successfully fit – you don’t just diet for a while and then go back to your old habits. It’s a life long daily effort. Frankly I wouldn’t have it any other way.I wrote two blog posts last year with more thoughts on this:“There is no end game” is about the fact that as a man you must perform until you die (which is as it should be).“The secret to happiness” is about how our brains are actually wired to only be happy when we’re making progress, and how to design your life accordingly.

12. I imagine you’ve dated some very attractive women. Have you ever dated what you consider a 9 or 10? Did you have to do anything different to seduce her? Was she fundamentally different from a 7 or 8, or was she more similar than different? I have dated two girls that both well established professional models.  There was nothing different at all about dating them, the trick is actually finding and meeting them. One gave me an IOI at a club when I was talking to other girls, and the other was a daygame open on a hot Sunday afternoon. In both cases I didn’t know anything about their jobs, so I treated them like I would any other girl, which helps.

13. Did you ever have any sticking points or insecurities with women, or were you more of a natural growing up?Like I said, it’s not a sticking point but as a big introvert approaching is not my strength. That was the most critical piece for me in improving my game and getting the amount of experience I’ve had. And it’s work. As men we will always have the burden of initiating. I’ve found you have to get it to a process so it doesn’t crowd out your other priorities of the week.The other sticking point I had was originally I was talking too much on dates, which can often kill the vibe and her attraction. I learned it’s better to let her do most of the talking, while I listen, touch her, and give good eye contact.

14. “The best thing about women is _____.”Their feminine energy. Life for a man without women is all work and no play. Women add a sweetness to a man’s life that can’t be found in any other way. I love and enjoy them. The key is learning how to lead them properly.—Follow Magnum on Twitter and on his blog.

Follow Magnum on Twitter and on his blog.

Magnum's Most Popular Posts of 2019

As I shared in my recent post on fun memories, this blog is officially a year old.

Hard to believe I managed 36 posts in the space of a year. Clearly I had more to say than I thought.

With no further ado here are the top posts for 2019:

1. Magnum’s first date model. I wrote this post at Nash’s request and it remains a hot topic. I’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback that this model has helped a lot of men this year. Glad I could help.
2. The Deepest Red Pill was a summary of my musings on the dark pill, in particular understanding that all relationships have an end date. Clearly I was a bit somber this winter. The positive flip side of this red pill view is that a man can absolutely have relationships on his terms. To me this makes it all worth while.
3. My reading list of the 15 Best Books for Game came in at number three. To paraphrase Newton, “if I’ve seen further it’s because I’ve stood on the shoulders of giants.”
4. My post that a man has to be “daddy” to his women was the fourth most popular post of the year. Failing to do this right is the number one cause of relationship issues for men.
5. And rounding out the top five is my post on How to Minimize Flaking. Sigh. If only there were a way to minimize flakes to zero.

I view game as a “sales funnel.” From your value as the “product” to the market you choose (type of girl and the city) to your approach (lead generation), texting (lead nurturing), first date, and close.

It seems the biggest interest out there is on the front end of the “funnel” in the dating process. I suspect this is because every man in the game encounters problems there, well before encountering challenges with retention or God forbid thinking about having kids in a red pill way.

I’ll keep that in mind for future posts.

And as always would welcome any topic requests you may have.

– Magnum

2019 Year In Review – How to Make Sure You're Having Fun in Your Life

Hard to believe but this New Year’s marks the one year anniversary of this blog. I had a few hours of downtown during the heat of each day while I was adventuring in Bangkok and at Red Quest’s suggestion I took the opportunity to put a few thoughts on there.

I never expected it to be more than a place to share thoughts with just a small circle of guys I know, but without trying to this blog has grown to about 1,000 unique visitors per month. I’m grateful for your interest.

One of the benefits to having this blog is that it helps me capture my thoughts and memories before they fade away off into the ether. It’s a funny thing how the human brain perceives time.

If you do the same thing each day, go to the same place, and spend time with the same people, the years will fly by and you’ll look back at your life a decade later and wonder where the time went.

But instead if you are constantly doing new things, spending time in new places, making new experience, and building relationships with new people, time will actually appear to slow down…in a good way.

This has absolutely been my experience over the past six years since my divorce. I’ve done more things, lived in more places, had more experiences, made more memories, and fucked way more girls than I did in the previous 15 years.

And that’s made the experience of my life seem longer, with more positive experiences in just a few years than many have in a lifetime.

This brings me to a key annual exercise I took from Good Looking Loser. Each year on new year’s I take a bit of time to list out all of the positive, fun memories I’ve had from the prior year.

I make myself do this off the top of my head, no looking at pictures or calendars or notes. Once I’ve drained my brain of everything I can think of I count up the number of memories as a indicator to myself to see if I’m living right.

My own personal goal is to have at least 52 a year…an average of at least one per week. I’m happy to say I’ve easily beat this each year I’ve tried this exercise.

It’s important as a man to not just achieve your goals but also take the time to live your life and make memories. The time goes by much too quickly to not be doing this.

Give it a try and see for yourself.

I’ve listed a few of my fun experiences in 2019 in past posts including:

• My first same day lay of the year during a short trip to Kuala Lumpur.
• Three lays in a week during my winter trip to NYC.
• A next level acid trip with one of my favorite all time girls.
• Ongoing game adventures that I summarized here.

The more personal experiences I don’t share on this blog, but a few key highlights that I haven’t written about included:

• Spending a month living in Greece working through a difficult side project of mine.
• A short weekend solo daygame trip to Belgrade.
• Going deep into a BDSM experience with my of my regulars.
• Bringing a girl I dated two years ago when she was 18 back into my rotation this fall. It’s been better the second time around as she’s matured into a nice sweet spot (it helps that she looks like one of my favorite porn stars).
• An extended scuba diving trip to Kona.
• Organizing and enjoying a set of great dinners conversations with a solid group of guys over the course of the year including Nash, Runner, Red Quest, J, Long Burn da Fire, Highgame, Breeze, and Mr V.
• The online connections I’ve made as well with Red Pill Dad, Red CoCo, and Yoylo.
• Road trip to Santa Cruz with Little Me including sneaking in multiple opportunities for public sex quickies.

Life is short. Make the most of it my friends.

The Secret to Happiness – In Life and in Game

Habits of a Happy Brain is one of my recommended books for game. And with good reason. Loretta Bruening breaks down the four brain chemicals that make you happy.

This matters because my goal is life is to maximize by long term happiness. And so building a life for myself that maximizes my happiness in line with how the brain actually works is key to a life of success.

The four brain chemicals that make you happy are:

1. Dopamine – produces the joy of finding things that meet your needs. This is the reward your brain produces when you achieve a goal.
2. Endorphin – produces oblivion that masks pain—often called euphoria. This is the reward your brain produces in response to exercise.
3. Oxytocin – produces the feeling of being safe with others. This is the reward your brain produces with pair bonding.
4. Serotonin – produces the feeling of being respected by others—pride. This is the reward your brain produces when receiving esteem from others.

That is all we get. Your brain only has these four happiness chemicals.

And your brain only releases these happy chemicals when you take steps towards meeting your needs.

But the challenge with this is that your brain is always looking for the next great way to meet your needs. Old rewards, even creamy, delicious ones, don’t command your brain’s attention. This is called habituation.

I definitely didn’t make these up…

So why should we care?

Given the above and how the brain is wired, if we want consistent long term happiness in life we have to constantly be striving towards new goals and making progress in relationships.

It also means we have to constantly mix things up. We habituate quickly to too much of any one stimulus. There is no end game.

Use this knowledge as you will. We all have to find our own way in life, but I can share how I’ve applied this key learning to my own:

1. Dopamine – the reward for hitting goals
   • Have a big, challenging but achievable mission in life that will take years to achieve.
   • Have daily and yearly goals against this mission, to feel the dopamine hits from regular progress.
   • Always be gaming new women. Even if I find the perfect relationship in life I’ll still need the enjoyment of closing new women.
2. Endorphins – the euphoric recovery to pain
   • Work out regularly. Challenge my body several times a week to feel this reward in the recovery.
3. Oxytocin – the reward for pair bonding
   • For me this means having one or more regular girls in my life. Women I actually enjoying spending time with beyond just sex.
   • There is a known players curse that if you just do sport fucks eventually you fall hard and get oneitis for a girl because you’ve been missing out on oxytocin. Don’t fall in to this trap, always have multiple women in your life and at least one that you like enough to pair bond with to some degree.
   • Cultivate non-sexual relationships with your family, your pets etc where you get pair-bonding beyond the women in your life. Like a portfolio the key is diversification and getting this from multiple sources and not just one.
4. Serotonin – earned reward from respect
   • I’ve found this best comes as you earn respect from your peer group. Whether that’s being acknowledged as someone to go to for help and advice, or even by keeping a small blog like this one. Interacting with peers and receiving their genuine respect is the best way I know to earn this one.

The key thing to remember is that these happiness chemicals work just like exercise. You have to find multiple daily sources of all of these things, mixed up on a regular basis. One time events don’t cut it any more than doing one workout makes you fit for life. It has to be a habit.

In addition, you need to be getting your happiness from all four sources and not just one. That is why players who just focus on dopamine fueled rewards just from fucking new girls don’t find happiness and eventually burn out. Like a balanced diet you need multiple sources.

You can use this same happiness model with the women in your life that you want to retain. If you can regularly stimulate all of these happiness chemicals in a girl she will want to be in your life, and this is the secret to retention:

1. Dopamine
   • Mix up your dates. Avoid doing the same activity twice, avoid taking her to the same place twice. Keep things fresh.
   • Future projection – (truthfully) give her detailed scenarios to image of the two of you in the future (for example a trip or future activity) and then over time fulfill the scenario. Give her that gift of anticipation.
   • Mix up the type of sex you give her. This can even be in the same session. Sometimes rough, sometimes emotional, sometimes in bed, sometimes in a public toilet. Always keep it fresh.
   • Give her the gift of missing you. Don’t text much when you’re not with her and only see her once a week or less.
2. Endorphins
   • The rewards from endorphins explain why women enjoy rough sex and BDSM. I’ve yet to meet a girl who doesn’t love being fucked rough from time to time, if not every time. Be dominant and fuck her good.
3. Oxytocin
   • If you want a girl to stick around for more than the occasional sport fuck, mix in cuddling and intimacy. This works best during the 20 minutes after sex. If you want her as a regular don’t just jump up after sex, cuddle and talk with her a bit afterwards. It’s a huge hit of oxytocin. If rough sex is the “push” cuddling afterwards is the “pull”.
4. Seratonin
   • From time to time acknowledge her uniqueness or something she does that wins your approval. This has to be random to have the best effect. Don’t overdo it – think of Heartiste’s old rule of the golden ratio – giving her 2/3’s of everything she gives you.

There is a negative counterpoint to this as well. Just as doing the above stimulates your happiness chemicals, not doing the above will make you unhappy.

So withdrawing attention and not doing the above for a woman will make her feel the loss of you, and crave having you back.

This is the “Push” in the push/pull dance that is game. It is necessary to avoid habituation. And as the man you need to lead this experience for her. It’s what she craves because it’s how her brain is wired.

And more importantly this means in life if you’re not working towards goals and making progress, not exercising regularly, not pair-bonding with key relationships, not gaming new girls, and not earning the esteem of your peers…..you will be unhappy.

We are wired to be rewarded for being high value.

Magnum's Ongoing Adventures May – June 2019

I haven’t been posted much to this blog lately because I’ve been busy pursuing my big goals for the year.

I’ll update here a few memorable vignettes over the past few weeks rather than devote an entire post to each. Some of this I’ve tweeted real time, but here’s what’s been keeping me busy this spring.

I had some setbacks to my health issues in early February which caused me to step back a bit from game and increase my focus on developing and executing a get well plan. It’s a combination of multiple issues (all injury related – I’m a life long contact and endurance sport athlete).

As of late June I do feel I’m back on track. This setback led me to spend March in Europe and also get spine surgery at the end of May (which seems to be helping). I may need one or two more surgeries over the coming months.

The interesting thing is this setback didn’t seem to affect my regulars. I expected to lose some but things continued on the path they were on with my two main regulars even when I wasn’t 100%.

My take away is that strong frame and quality male attention are the bigger priorities for women, and throughout this time I’ve kept an optimistic, positive outlook with them and I believe that was key.

There was, however, a big drop off in my gaming of new girls after my January trip to New York.

Here’s some stats:

For the last six months of 2018 I did 35 first dates and closed 9 new girls (26%). This was from online game, so if I back out the ones I didn’t want to fuck after I met them the close rate was 64%.

For the first six months of 2019 I only did 19 first dates but I closed 7 of them, plus one long daygame lead from December (37% not including the long lead). The close rate was 70% after backing out the ones I didn’t want to fuck after meeting them.

Also a much higher percentage of they lays here in 2019 were first date lays (32% (6) of my total dates for first half 2019 vs 3% for 2nd half 2018). This is despite me publicly advocating a two date model.

So lower numbers overall due to injury but at the same time my game seems to be getting tighter and more “secret society“.

Here’s a few vignettes from the past six weeks or so:

Torture Garden: Imagine experiencing this on E while your girl’s wearing next to nothing and making out with you…

1. After my late May surgery I had to take two weeks off of sex, and at the end of that time my two main regulars were traveling out of town. So I went through my old texts and re-opened a daygame lead I met while out daygaming with Nash back in December. I let the lead go cold in March while in Europe, but she was keen when I reopened her in early June and she agreed to meet for a midnight drink after her waitressing shift. After a drink I pulled her to my place nearby and we got down to it very quickly. 30 minutes of fucking and her phone starts blowing up. At this point it’s 2am and I could hear a young man’s voice on the phone – her boyfriend. She calmly told him she on her way home and then we resumed fucking until we finished. I told her it was no big deal, and meant it.
2. Knowing I’d have a two week dry spell after my surgery I decided to enjoy the weekend prior as if I was going away to prison. I took artsy girl to a party that Thursday night and then enjoyed our weekly long fuck late into the night, spent Friday and Saturday riding a harley around the Marin headlands with Little Me with constant sex breaks at my place as well as sneaking ones in at hidden public places, and then spent Monday night with Santa Cruz girl who was my newest notch at the time. It felt good to do the things I wanted to with the girls I wanted to, completely on my terms.
3. I cancelled plans an hour before a planned date and nexted Miss Singapore when she tried to take over the reins and veto the date I had planned.
4. Had a pleasant coffee date with a very cute 19 year old with a sparkly, sexual energy in the middle of the afternoon on a Tuesday. Bounced her to my place for a makeout, but couldn’t get her past that. She responded positively to my feeler text the next day but then ghosted when I pitched a 2nd date (a trend for me this month….see below)
5. Had three dates with a tall and sexy 27 year old yoga teacher but couldn’t get her back to my airbnb in New York. I’d have written her off after the 2nd date of not coming back, but she had brought me a gift on the 2nd date and I figured it was just a matter of time. Shouldn’t have broken my date rules, so turned out to be three wasted nights.
6. Had a good first date with a cute 20 year old blonde in NYC who trains as a dancer. Bounced her to my place and had a good make out but wouldn’t go further. Again a positive response to my feeler text the next day but ghosted after I pitched the date.
7. Met up with a cute 24 year old Korean girl from online. She tells me at the bar she has a boyfriend within a minute of meeting me. I told her that’s fine and game as usual. Bounced her to my place after two drinks. She refused my first attempt at a kiss but it wasn’t a big deal to me. I tried again 10 minutes later, quick make out on the couch and she’s asking me if I have condoms. After sex she tells me how she likes to take the anal virginity of all of her long term boyfriends (3 to date) using her fingers. She begs them until they give in. She doesn’t enjoy it but says she wants to take something from them no one else has (read: major shit test). We share a good laugh over it.
8. Have a great afternoon of sex with the 18 year old I closed during my January trip to NYC, my first time with her since that trip. She has to rush home at 10pm so her mom doesn’t find out about our little fling.
9. Have a fun date with a 22 year old New York model. Did drinks at two venues and bounced to my airbnb. She wouldn’t come up (photo shoot and TV audition the next day) but we make out late at night in the street. Again, a positive response to my feeler text the next day but ghosted after I pitched a date. This time I suspect it was “logistics fatigue” (an apt term Red Quest coined tonight over drinks here in NYC) in that she splits time in two different cities and my guess is the days I pitched didn’t work for her schedule. This was a shame because the chemistry was very good.
10. Had a great birthday dinner with Runner, Highgame NYC, and J here in NYC. Was a great welcome to the city for my current trip here this June.
11. Took Little Me to the Torture Garden party here in NYC (hat tip to Troy Francis). We were already feeling sexual after fucking before and after dinner, but this party took it up a notch. Finally an attractive BDSM crowd dressed very well with surreal acts being performed in a club like environment. The whole scene was cinematic. We both rolled at the party which kept us up fucking until 5am in the morning. We’ve been intentionally deepening our bond since the opening up we experienced on our acid trip back in February. Our bond was deepening before that but we’ve intentionally accelerated this year and it’s been a very positive experience.
12. Pulled together a great dinner with Runner, Mr V, Longburnthefire, and J while in NYC. Also had a chance to meet up with Red Quest. Nothing beats getting together with like minded men.

So despite the health set backs it’s been a good spring. My overall take away is that frame really is king.

As always welcome your comments below.

Having Kids on My Terms – Magnum’s 7 Point Checklist

It seems inevitable. With few exceptions when a player’s been in the game long enough, he starts thinking about settling down in some way or at least having kids.

Guys like Paul Janka have settled in to long term relationships to have kids, and even Krauser mentions in his latest video his goal now is to settle down and have a family.

Maybe there’s a male biological clock of some kind. Maybe the dopamine highs of fucking new girls fades, while at the same time players miss the oxytocin hits of pair-bonding. Or maybe there comes the inevitable realization that life is short and it’s time to leave a legacy of some kind.

Regardless the reason I believe it’s worth thinking about and planning for, so when the desire to have kids comes around you have a plan for how you’ll approach it.

The Red Quest has an excellent long post on his thoughts around having kids the red pill way. As a red pill player and father, I find he has a very good perspective and it’s got me thinking about the subject.

It’s clear that modern marriage in the West no longer works. With a marriage contract, you sign away the rights to have your assets if either of you decided to end it, with no upside.

If that’s not enough, my own experience from my 13 year marriage and the many relationships I’ve observed is that if you live together with a woman, her desire to have sex with you instinctively goes away after 2-3 years. In my experience as well this can be deferred if you don’t live with her and spend plenty of time apart.

I’m not yet at the point where I want to have kids. But one of my realizations on a recent acid trip is that I do want them at some point. I’d also say I have a keener understanding of my mortality than most do as well given my chronic pain and injuries that are a daily reminder I’m past my prime physically.

Modern marriage doesn’t work. Living together with a woman also doesn’t work, at least for me. So given all this, what’s the right structure in which to have a kid?

I believe there is no one answer and it depends on the man and what he wants. I don’t have it figured out, but my current thoughts are this:

1. Don’t get legally married and have a co-parenting agreement in place.
2. Keep your finances 100% separate, but agree on some sort of monthly budget you provide to her and the kid you have. Legally do your best to have good asset protection practices in place.
3. Keep two residences. Have one for her and the kid, and a small separate apartment for yourself. Spend several nights a week apart.
4. Keep the relationship expressly open and have at least one side casual side girl at all times.
5. Have a signed, enforceable parenting agreement in place that you both sign. She needs to sign up to do the majority of the day to day chores of raising the kid.
6. Ensure all kids are paternity tested. This means taking a DNA sample at the time of birth and not signing any birth certificate until the kid is proven to be mine.
7. Choose a woman who has a family that will help in raising the kid.

This may be a tall order. It requires strong frame, good game, and a high degree of financial success.

It’s good to understand that child support is much cheaper in Europe than the US as well.

But if you’re in your late 30’s / early 40’s and have dated a lot of women, you should have the right frame and enough financial success to pull this off.

I’m 44 and yet still not in a hurry. We’ll see what the future holds. But welcome your comments. It’s good to have a plan ready for when the time comes.

Enhanced Connections

Last year I did my first ayahuasca ceremony, in part due to the encouragement of Goldmund. Although not life changing and I didn’t commune with God the way everyone else there claimed to, it was a positive experience and I came away mentally stronger and more calm.

I remember the shaman given me a extra dose beyond what he gave everyone else “for my life” as he said. Ayahuasca has been shown to strengthen your cerebral cortex, which seems consistent with my experience.

A fairly good representation

One of the effects of the ayahuasca was that I lost the desire to do drugs. The years prior I’d done my share of experimentation, all part of this exploring and optimization phase of my life. For the past 5 years I’ve been relentlessly trying new things as I take on what works and optimizes the life that I want for myself.

I also learned from the ceremony the importance of going into a psychedelic trip with intent, and the need to lead the experience to ensure it’s a positive one. And I took that experience into my past weekend.

Little me and I enjoyed another fun little weekend this time having done a night kayaking trip to see the bioluminescence up at Tamales bay. It was definitely worth the trip, I’ll always remember the shine of the bioluminescence trailing off my paddle while the shine of the stars in the pure night sky twinkled above. The black of the water and the the black of the sky seemed to merge, it was as if I was paddling across the night sky.

Of course, Little me and I enjoyed some spontaneous sex in the back seat of my car on the way up on a quiet country road. Life is best when you enjoy positive experiences in spontaneous ways, so that is always seems fresh.

The next day were were enjoying Sunday brunch and rolling with the vibe we decided to do an acid trip for the afternoon and see where it led. We were both feeling good and we brought this feeling into the trip, which is key.

It took about an hour for the LSD to hit and I took us for a walk along the Embarcadero as it started to intensify. It’s best to enjoy outside stimulation in a positive environment, and we wandered around the city including the SFMOMA and its gift shop to play with the toys before heading back to mine. All the while I was in control and leading.

Here’s where it got interesting. Once on my couch and not moving we could feel the trip stronger than when moving. The vibe of the house music I was playing set a sensual tone and we started kissing.

I can’t properly describe the experience verbally by saying how close we felt, as if our bodies merged as one in perfect tune with each other. She was completely immersed and orgasmed over and over again. It was extra easy for me to feel her response, make her edge, and then push her over the top. I led the experience verbally with her, leading our minds together. All the while I could feel the music and also enjoy the visuals when I closed my eyes.

It was the most completely immersive experience both sexually and mentally in how we connected. Little me and I felt especially close the next day. I very much like how our connection was further strengthened.

I’ve been with plenty of women and I’ve experimented with most drugs. So I’m not sure what made this trip so much better. Little me and I have a very strong connection and sexual chemistry, and I was able to build on that. The ayahuasca trip last year taught me how to control even the most intense of experiences, and this one came naturally and easily.

This is what I want from life. The internalized knowledge of what is best, and the ability to use that to make the best experiences for myself and those I care about.

As always welcome your thoughts and comments below.

The Deepest Red Pill

I was married for 13 years.  I believe the reason we lasted so long was that I truly believed we loved each other.  It was only when I saw after all those years that she did not love me for who I am, but rather for what I could do for her, that I choose to leave her. 

I was very blue pill and I’ve come a long way.

This article today in the Atlantic reminded me of this:

Women, more than men, tend to feel stultified by long-term exclusivity

Wednesday Martin, The Atlantic

This quote is absolutely spot on. Read a book like “Sperm Wars” or even Tom Torero’s “Below the Belt“. Or better yet get years of real world experience as I have between my former ex’s and the many women I’ve dated since. The red pill reality becomes clear.

Blackdragon did a very good interview with a woman who was unusually aware and candid of her nature. It’s the most red pill thing I’ve ever read. Every man should read this to understand female nature.

Women have a dual mating strategy. They either want you for your DNA (lover) or for your resources (provider). Women are not capable of loving you for who you are as an individual man.

Women love what you can do for them, their love is reserved for their children. And women are never loyal to you. They are loyal to your power.

It’s driven by biology. Nature sets us up with infatuation to pair bond for a couple of years tops to make a baby, and then there is some sort of internal mechanism that causes women to eventually tire of a man as a lover and look elsewhere for a new source of DNA, in order to diversify her offspring and maximize her chances of passing on her genes.

Highly recommended reading for a clear view of reality

It can be painful for men to accept this because even no matter how tight your game is, no matter how much a girl is in to you, at some point she will eventually move on.

There is no end game, there is no one girl that will be your “ride or die” girl for life. I find this transient nature to be the darkest red of the red pill.

I believe this is why most men, even experienced players, close their eyes to reality and entertain romantic fantasies such as “this girl is different from all the rest,” and why men have unfounded purity fantasies of some girls being “good girls” and some girls being “bad girls”.

It’s completely false. All women are out to get good DNA at points in their life, while keeping up the good girl front so they can eventually win over a provider. It’s nature’s way, I don’t blame women one bit.

But there is no ideal situation for men. We are not the choosers when it comes to sex. Instead we can either:

1. Go for pair bonding and a relationship knowing that there is a shelf life of just a few years of passion. She may stay with you and she may not even cheat, but her passion for you will die.

2. Or have ongoing one night stands and harems with girls that come and go from your life over time.

For me, the short to medium term harem option is the best trade off. I create a portfolio of sex and affection. If and when any one girls spins out of my orbit, I have others to keep up the slack. And all the while I work to bring new girls into the mix.

The trade off is that transient nature of it can be tough, especially when girls you like spin off. But then again everything in life is transient.

This is why men need to be internally referenced – have a larger mission in life besides relationships – if we’re to avoid falling back into the blue pill trap like the men in the Atlantic article.

Stay strong, keep the frame, and have relationships on your terms.

As always – welcome your thoughts and comments.

Relationships on My Terms

One of my big focus areas these past three years has been harem building and retention.  It’s a type of pimp game in that you bring the girl into your orbit, consciously build her attachment to you, and shape her into what you want her to be. 

For me this is a sweet spot in the “r/K” or “lover/provider” spectrum. You build a connection with the girls in your rotation, often over months and sometimes years, but you have your freedom to be with other women as you please.

Bringing a girl into your rotation is like training a puppy, you reward and punish behaviors to enforce behavior. You lead her through a range of experiences, most importantly good sex, to get her hooked. It’s also important that your frame is 100% consistent with that of being a lover and you don’t slide into “boyfriend” behaviors or show signs of weakness.

Close…but I’m not one to wear hats

Iceberg slim’s autobiography has good examples, especially the advice he gets from the experienced pimp named Sweet.  And women do their own competing form instinctively as the process of “Betacization” As a man you have to be leading with your own relationship game or you will instead fall into the woman’s frame. 

“A good pimp is always really alone. You gotta always be a puzzle, a mystery to them. That’s how you hold a whore. Don’t get sour. Tell them something new and confusing every day. You can hold ’em as long as you can do it.”

“A pimp is the loneliest bastard on Earth. He’s gotta know his whores. He can’t let them know him. He’s gotta be God all the way.”

Sweet, from Iceberg Slim’s “Pimp”

These are the best quotes from that book and there’s a lot of game in this. To keep regular girls with who know you’re sleeping with other girls and get zero drama, you’ve got to have a 100% strong frame. You’ve got to be mysterious. You only see them once a week or less. You only text 1-2 times a week. And when you see them you fuck them good.

But to really convert her, you give her a range of emotions. You introduce her to new experiences inside and outside of the bedroom. You use BDSM and dirty talk to spike her emotions and connect with you. Occasionally you introduce a bit of controlled drama to give her the rollercoaster of emotions. You continue to escalate the compliance ladder with her inside and outside the bedroom to ensure she’s fully invested. Conversion is an art.

Converting a girl to you can be dark or light depending on what you want to do, which is why it’s rarely talked about.  This same process could be used to pimp out certain girls like in the book or to get yourself a sugarmama, but I’ve focused on it as way to build relationships on my terms. Creating wonderful, concurrent open relationships and life experiences with a variety of girls who’s company I enjoy.

Women get their agency through men, and they look for the right man to make the experiences and life that they want.  Myself, I look for girls who want to this experience. To discover themselves and the world, sexually and otherwise.  I’m the experienced man of the world who shows them the way. 

I’ve enjoyed seeing how girls blossom into what I want them to be all the while they enjoy the experience.  This is the same plot-line of romance novels, although with the fantasy in the end that the heroine wins the player over exclusively.  Women want you to be the man.  To lead.  To be “daddy”.  

As a man you have to know how to lead them through this nature to create something positive for both of you.  This is the “dance” I’ve alluded to in the past. 

The girl I call “Little me” ghost wrote an essay about me and told me about it so I could find it (she ghost wrote it via the author who’s actually pictured, Alexandria Brown, who is not Little Me).  It’s as good an example of how a woman truly wants to feel – the unsure excitement of whether or not she can win over a high value man:

I like complicated. I like dark. I like mysteries that need unraveling. I like you. I like everything you bring to the table even though all you can give me is a few late nights and never any early mornings. I like not knowing where this is going and if I’m ever going to see you again. I’m addicted to the rush that comes along with getting you every once in a while. It excites me.

“Little Me” writing about yours truly makes her feel.  Do read the whole thing.

Don’t be fooled.  This turmoil is what a woman truly wants.  Sexually I’ve seen how much women crave being dominated and submitting to a worthy man.  It’s no different emotionally.  But it has to be with the right balance.

These ongoing non-monogamous mini relationships have been the highlight of my life in game.  Far more than crazy game stories on how I managed to close a girl or one night stands.  I see this as my sweet spot. 

Both the girl and I get great sex, positive experiences, and good memories.  I get the freedom and variety I need as a man, but also gives me an outlet for the “affection addiction” that causes so many players to retire from the game.  

After this recent three week trip to New York I’m wondering if my desire to focus on this aspect of game came from the fact that SF is such a poor dating market for men.  It can take weeks for me to find girls who fit the bill above, and so when I do I want to ensure I manage the (open) relationship well. 

It may be tempting to go more “r” selected on the spectrum and just do one night stands when I move to NY.  But I don’t see myself going away from keeping 2-3 regular girls in my life (even while I enjoy regularly finding sport fucks on the side). 

I’m glad I spent the time in SF that I did. I don’t think it’s likely I’d have consciously focused on this skillset if I’d been in an easy city like NY.  

These have been some of the most fulfilling relationships I’ve ever had, even as these women come and go from my life over time.  

Book Review: Sex Clubs, Non-monogamy, and Game by the Red Quest

I had the privilege of being one of the men that the Red Quest asked to provide input on the manuscript for his book, “Sex Clubs, Non-Monogamy, and Game“.  He’s finished the book in part with my input and is now giving the book away for free (downloadable at the link).

Worthwhile read

It’s a unique book based on his years of experience in the sex club / swinger scene in his city.  In the first half of the book he covers why a man would want to include sex clubs as part of his game, and in the second half of the book he shares lots of specific examples from his own dating life.  

Personally I haven’t had direct experience with sex clubs.  I’ve had FFM threesomes, and I once took a 22 year old I was dating to a sex club here in San Francisco.  But we left after 10 minutes, the club was slow and frankly we didn’t like the looks of anyone else there.  So I was curious to read Red Quest’s take on this scene and how to integrate it into non-monogamous relationship management.

As I’ve written about here and here, it’s your role as a man to lead your woman.  Lead her experience and take her to places she’s never been before.  Doing this right I’ve been able to keep the attractive women I want in my life, without having to promise monogamy.  Women want to be lead by an exciting lover as a means for them to experience the world.  And I can see from “Sex Clubs, Non-Monogamy, and Game” that sex clubs could be part of your larger game in doing this leading…if you had the skills and inclination.

After reading this book, here are the positives I see for bringing your girls to sex clubs:

• you frame yourself as top tier lover because you’ve opened her to experiences she’s only fantasized about but would never make happen on her own
• her attraction for you can increase as she watches you fuck other girls (preselection at its most primal)
• you can leverage her for variety both by swapping her with other couples and also having her recruit other girls for you
• the sex club scene in your city becomes a long term “ecosystem” / social circle you can leverage for constantly finding new partners – if you have the social savvy and sex skills to be a top-tier guy in the sex club scene in your city

Here are the downsides I see:

• I doubt most guys can pull this off – this is advanced level game and your looks, game, and sex skills need to be on point.  You need a strong frame and ability to lead
• other guys will try and poach your girl
• you have to manage not just your relationship with the girl you bring but your relationship with the other couples you play with
• most guys won’t enjoy watching “their” girl fuck other guys…even if it means they get to fuck other girls at the same time
• From my very limited experience in San Francisco I’m not convinced there are many attractive women in the sex club scene (I’m picky and prefer petite college aged girls)

I think this is a worthwhile read to any one who’s had some curiosity about the sex club world.  There’s value here in reading about Red Quest’s advanced level game in action, even if all you’re looking to do is merge girls you’re already dating into a FFM threesome with you. 

Read it and decide for yourself if it’s a world you want to enter.  

There is No End Game

A lot of men have been talking about end game (RedQuest | Roy Walker | Troy Francis | Krauser / Jimmy Jambone among others).  (addition 1/27: Tom Torero weighs in that there is no end game). The question seems to be, “is being a player all there is?” and “what comes after being a player?”.  It seems for many that after 5-10 years in the game the rush of getting yet another notch doesn’t do it any more. 

I suspect what this ultimately comes down to is that men want pair-bonding.  I’m 44 years old and have personally experienced the full range of types of relationships with women, from same day sport fucks to fuck buddies to harems to girlfriends to my marriage (ended 5 years ago). 

From this experience I truly believe that sexual pair-bonding with a woman can’t last more than 3-5 years tops, before your relationship degrades into routine without any real spark.  This is how nature intended it:  pair up long enough to produce offspring and get them into childhood, then rotate to a new partner to diversify your genes.  We can’t get around our DNA.  

So I’m at peace with being a player forever.  As a man you have to be able to bring new women into your life on an ongoing basis, and pair-bond with them as you see fit. 

What fits best for me (every man is different) is having 2-4 regular girls at a time in my life, where I see each once a week.  In effect this is a portfolio of girls with whom I pair-bond in different ways for as long as the honeymoon period lasts (“sweet spot” might be a better term), in some cases for years and still going. 

What I like about this in effect is I’m always in the honeymoon phase, even as girls eventually come and go.  It’s on you as the man to manage these relationships properly and keep them fresh.  

With hedonic adaptation our brains gets used to routine.  I attribute a portion of my satisfaction with this lifestyle to the fact that I never let these mini relationships get routine.  I vary up where we go, what we do, how we fuck every single time.  How we lead the dance makes a difference in getting more satisfaction and longevity out of these relationships while they last.

None of these relationships will last “forever” because nothing in life lasts forever.  There is no end to this process, just like there is no end to exercise and good nutrition.  It’s a part of a healthy life and supports you in your higher mission, whatever that is for you.  

This is why we have to constantly game and constantly build value as men.  We are not meant to rest in life.  We’re meant to strive till we die. 

Honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Happiness is making progress towards meaningful goals.  Achieving those goals is anti-climatic. 

There is no end game.

Addendum 2020:

Runner and I had a great conversation where we expanded on the concept of equilibrium. There is no end game, in that there is no rest for a man. You have to be on your game every single day, even in a serious relationship with a woman.

However, you can reach a state of balance, equilibrium, if you keep your game tight on a regular basis. I laid some of those behaviors out in my Rules of Retention post. No relationship lasts forever, but as a man you lead and you have the potential to keep things with a woman in a “sweet spot” for an indefinite amount of time, if you choose and if you lead properly.

Thoughts from my Trip to Bangkok 2018

I’m at the airport waiting for my flight to Kuala Lumpur.  Seems the perfect time to look back at my 12 days here in Bangkok.  It’s been the core of my trip this year, I prefer to spend more time in fewer cities when I travel.  It helps get a sense of the place and also to allow the time to meet and date girls.

I arrived in Bangkok with a fever from my lung infection and as well as stomach sickness.  Cambodia was rough on me.  But I knew Bangkok was a more modern city and I was determined to hit the dating sites hard to make the most of my time here.  A few rounds of antibiotics finally cleared me up around the time I got here so it was game on.

I prefer to pipeline dates before arriving in a city, but with Bangkok I quickly found the Thai girls are flaky and very short term in nature.  They like to book dates the day of or the day before, so although I was working tinder, bumble and OKC before I got here all those leads fizzled.  As is usual for a new country I also found I needed to calibrate my game more to the locals.  I added Thai Cupid to the sites I normally use and learned to adjust my approach using less English and more exchanges in the apps before pitching a date.  I also had to book as many dates as possible, knowing that about half would flake the day of.  

This brings me to the biggest difference I found with Thai girls verses any other country in which I’ve dated.  Once you’ve agreed a date they text you a lot.  Most of it is the girl asking a bunch of “comfort” questions such as “you work here?”, “why are you in Thailand?”, “do you have a girlfriend?” etc.  In the end I slept with all three Thai girls I met in person with very little ASD.  It felt as if they knew they’d want to sleep with me if they came out to meet, so instead they put their ASD into the texting up front.  It was interesting to watch and of course I knew how to handle all the questions.

In the 7 days I gamed I had dates with four girls that actually didn’t flake.  One was foreign (Kenyan) and the rest where Thai.  I slept with all three Thai girls in the space of 5 days, similar to my results in NYC in May.  All three were on the 2nd date.  All three girls seemed to want to move towards boyfriend / girlfriend soon, more so than in other countries.   I Enjoyed my time with all each of these lucky ladies, but I also missed having girls who speak better English (Vietnam, Hong Kong, and Japan were all much better for that), and I could see I wouldn’t be content dating here full time.

The first girl was a very petite 94 pound 22 year old with the body of a teenager and an extremely tight ass.  She was very relaxed and admitted her favorite movie stars were Jason Stratham and Vin Diesel.  The girl has her type and found it in me. First date was a one hour coffee date and the 2nd date was a drink at my buildings rooftop bar before heading to my room for “just one more drink.”

The 2nd was a slightly older 27 year old who didn’t speak much English.  The first and 2nd dates were mostly done via eye contact, me talking with positive energy, and some google translate.  A great reminder you really don’t need words to close the deal, the body language and spark between a man and a woman are much more ancient than human language.   She was unsure on the 2nd date about sleeping with me, and we had a long eye contact session where she probed into my eyes and made the decision.  No words, but I could see it happen as she made her choice.  Very sweet.

The third girl was 19 and one of the most attractive girls I saw in Thailand.  5’7″ and 110 pounds.  She was in to me from the start, both because I’m tall and we “fit” together, and also because of my frame.  She has a very strong personality but I could sense underneath she was still a girl in search of a strong older man she could feel safe with.  She fell into my much stronger fame and we just clicked.  She mentioned how everyone found her to be a hard bitch in her social circle but with me she was nothing but a sweetheart.  Another reminder that women will fall in to your frame as long as it’s real and congruent with you.  Her and I had four dates over two days as I wanted to maximize the time with her before Miss Singapore arrive for my last four days and I shifted to spending all my time with her.

On the whole I found Bangkok a hot mess.  Way too crowded, hot, and chaotic for me to be comfortable living there.  My take is that it is highly over rated even compared to Saigon, but that westerners rate it highly because it’s cheap and because of the sex industry there.  With this trip I have ruled out southeast Asia as a place where I would want to live part or all of the year.   But despite the initial calibration frustration the girls I met made up for the roughness of the place.  Besides the two girls in Singapore I’ve met over the last year these were some of my favorite girls yet on any of my travels.

My 2018 Year in Game Review

I’m relaxing here in my Bangkok apartment after getting three new notches in the last week.  I’ve got more leads for this trip but I’m not pursuing them hard.  I’ve opted to have miss Singapore, one of my regulars, come to town for my last few days to ring in the new year with me.

In many ways this is a good summary of my 2018 with women.  At 44 years old I’m having as much sex as I’ve ever had in my life, but compared to 2016 and 2017 it’s been more focused on a handful of regulars that I like, and less on new girls. 

For the most part I think I’ve got the balance right.  I continue to wonder if I can get better quality, as I usually do when I travel out of San Francisco.  And I’ve also begun to wonder, “what comes next?”  Do I continue this lifestyle indefinitely, I will I eventually want kids with a woman?

2017 was a banner year for me in game when my process finally came together.  I started out 2017 losing one of my favorite girls of all time because I accidentally scheduled a date with her best friend, and so I had to start the year building a rotation from scratch and also frankly also deal with the suck of losing a girl that I had such a strong connection with. 

By the end of the year I’ve developed a template for what I look for:  young, cute, a bit of an outsider, and wanting to explore the world.   In this template I’m the man this lucky girls gets to explore the big world with.  It’s the right dynamic for me, and I’ve gotten good at finding the right sort of girls and leading them down this path.  

Here are my stats and highlights from 2017:

• 79 first dates (mostly from online dating)
• 41 (52%) of these I chose not to pursue
• 12 (15%) I pursued but couldn’t close
• 26 (33%) I closed on the 1st date (4), 2nd date (20) or 3rd date (2)
• Average age of a new girl was 23 (I turned 43 in mid 2017)
• In my average month I slept with 5 different girls
• I also had 3 carryover girls from 2016
• I had sex 188 times in total, 63% was with four girls

Highlights included:

• dating a former miss Ukraine I met from nightgame (didn’t close her) while out partying with CMQ and Goldmund
• the 19 year old Singaporean track runner
• the 19 year old Stanford student
• starting things off with “Little me” (18 when we met) who I’m still seeing regularly and is my current favorite
• Trips to Miami, Tokyo, NYC, Singapore, and Vietnam

With that background here are my stats and highlights form 2018:

• 78 first dates (again mostly online dating)
• 44 (56%) of these I chose not to pursue
• 15 (19%) I pursued but couldn’t close
• 18 (24%) I closed on the 1st date (3), 2nd date (13), or 3rd date (2)
• 1 (1% – Miss Puffy Jacket) are still in play as of this writing
• Average age of a new girl was 22 (I turned 44 in mid 2018)
• In my average month I slept with 4 different girls
• I also had 4 carryover girls from 2017
• I had sex 192 times in total, 66% was with three girls

Highlights included

• Meeting Nash and becoming friends. Him doing a feature post on my text game
• Finding out “Little Me” ghost wrote a popular essay about me – the perfect example of “doing it right” (she is not listed as the author – she ghost wrote this)
• Meeting Pancake Mouse and becoming friends.
• Closing the Singaporean girl and Miss Artsy within 3 days of each other.  These are two of my top 10 favorite all time and I continue to see them regularly
• 3 new girls in 3 days during NYC trip, 3 new girls in 5 days during Bangkok trip
• Trips to NYC, Seattle, Portland, San Diego, Las Vegas, Hong Kong, Vietnam, Singapore, Cambodia, Bangkok, and Malaysia

So maybe I’ve hit a plateau in 2018, or maybe having 3 of my 10 all time favorites in my regular rotation at once slowed me down in terms of pursuing new girls.  I think I’ve gotten pickier, and have chosen not to pursue marginal girls that I would have in the past just to get the notch.  Instead I had my regular girls and new girls came from trips or on occasion when I found one to my liking or felt like some variety.

In addition for the Hong Kong, Singapore, and now for part of the Bangkok trip I’ve chosen to see miss Singapore instead of pursue new girls the whole time (I still closed a few girls on these trips).  I had other work trips to several other cities where I didn’t game or fuck that entire trip, and I think that slowed down the notch rate as well.

Could I get better results from daygame?  Maybe in another city, but I find it hugely time consuming.  I’ve done 25 approaches from it this year and have one open lead back home from it that I may still close.

What I am most happy about is the stability I have with my three regulars.  Close connections with each in their own unique way, and all three know the deal and that I see other girls.  They are 20, 21, and 29 respectively.   All have known my age from the start and all also know that I see other girls. I’ve had no drama with any of them, which again tells me my frame is strong and I’ve internalized the skills of converting girls to me and keeping them happy in my rotation.  

2019 for me will be about deciding if I want to stay in San Francisco or move to another city, and also pursue other goals besides new women.

Cambodia 2018

I’m currently in the middle of a three week trip through Cambodia, Thailand, and Malaysia.  Every year my company does a two week holiday shutdown where we are forced to take vacation time.  I’ve found that it’s incredibly boring and lonely in San Francisco during that time, everyone goes home to the families and everything is closed.  It’s also the worst time of year to meet new women.  So I use the opportunity to travel and explore the world instead.

Last year I had a tremendous trip to Singapore and Vietnam, together with one of my closest friends.  I met one of my favorite girls of all time, a 19 year old Singaporean medical student, and we had a week long mini romance that I will always remember even though I’ll never see her again.  I also met the girl I call “miss Saigon”, a gorgeous 18 year old Vietnamese girl, who I saw again on my fall trip to Vietnam.  These two girls, plus the 3 weeks of adventure, reminded me of the big world out there that I have not been seeing due to my hip injury limiting my air travel for many years.  The fact that I was twice able to meet and build a connection with a very attractive girl within a week of being in each country also was a stark reminder to me that dating in San Francisco is one of the worst locations for men, given the supply of men vs women.  It just gets better most anywhere else.

The trip at the end of 2017 made me consider a move to the region.  My goal for this trip in 2018, along with my follow up trips to Hong Kong, Singapore and Vietnam this fall, was to see if I’d really want to make the move to the region, and to explore candidate countries.  That and enjoying a bit of travel game was my goal.  I’ve always been fascinated with the temples at Angkor Wat and I heard Cambodia was a bit of the “wild wild east” and so had to give it a look for myself.  I also wanted to check out Bangkok and Kuala Lumpur, as both have relatively easy residence visa programs.  So the trip was set.

I prefer to pipeline dates online before I hit a new city.  That way my first few days are filled with coffee and bar dates, and from these I can zero in on 1-2 girls I like to close.  If daygame or nightgame provides more leads I add them to the list, but I find the pipeline approach is the best way to ensure I meet cute girls quickly in a new city.  Talking with Nash at Days of Game who only does daygame confirms this, he finds it takes 2-3 weeks to typically start closing leads from daygame which makes sense.  My travel schedule doesn’t permit me to invest that much time in a city so online is the way for me. 

This trip I quickly found that online game in Cambodia is almost non-existent.  I’m not sure if this is because of low levels of English, or that the girls who are open to date foreigners all work as bar girls and pro’s.  But there just were not many girls on any of the dating apps.  So I hit the nightclub and bar areas guys mentioned from the forums and quickly found all the attractive girls in these bars were pro’s.  I tried my hand at getting a few to leave with me but they all wanted pay for play.   I walked around the streets looking for bars that weren’t hooker bars, but everything I saw was bar girls and pros, and a pair of ladyboys even tried approaching me on the street.  

The second day went better.  A local girl slid into my instagram DM’s and I invited her over to my hotel for a swim.  She was nice but unfortunately not up to my standards, so I used the opportunity to learn about good nightlife venues.  My friend and I then went to the nicest sky bar in town that night to take in the view and to avoid the hookers.  Great sunset view, and sure enough I spotted a cute girl drinking by herself which made for an easy opener.  I managed to pull her to my hotel bar for a second drink.  But I couldn’t pull her up to my place to “see the amazing view”.  So it goes.

The third day though I woke up with a lung infection and spent the next 24 hours in bed with a fever.   So much for my time in Phnom Penh.  My friend and I went to Siem Reap and spent the next three days visiting the temples.  It was hot and humid and I had a fever but I toughed it out, sleeping my way to recovery.

I did not close a Cambodian girl in Cambodia (I have closed a Cambodian american girl back home).  I’d have needed to spend more time in Phnom Penh and learn where the locals hang out, and focused on day game and night game.  But despite the challenges and the pain of being sick the temples were well worthwhile.  And the whole week I knew 12 days in Bangkok was next on the itinerary. 

I’ll save Bangkok for a future post.

Persistence

Life is at best bittersweet.  We all have ups and downs and often it’s how you respond to the downs that make the different between a happy and an unhappy life.  We have to embrace the challenges life throws at us, making progress on this frankly is what makes life satisfying.  If it were all ups and no downs we’d go crazy, like the young guys who make a fortune selling a company and wind up dead a few years later from a drug overdose.

I was reminded of this yesterday.  I’ve had this damn plantar wart on the left ball of my foot for years.  I was a runner and pounded it deep into my foot, and I didn’t treat it since It thought it was a callous.  It was only when it started to throw off my gait that I had it checked out and started treatment.
I started treatment 3 years ago.  This mean cryo-freezing my foot and limping on it for days – every 6 weeks.  For 3 fucking years.

It didn’t want to get better and I was sick of the painful process, but I stuck with it.  Last month the damn thing just up and disappeared.  It was big one day and a few days later it was like it never existed.  The treatments finally stimulated my immune system to eliminate the virus.

More detail than you wanted to know.  But a great little reminder of exactly how life is.  We have to know when to persevere, often for years without much feedback, but this is how to succeed.

The Two Romantic Dynamics

I believe there are two main romantic templates between men and women.  They come from childhood and are hard wired into the human brain.  And I believe this sheds some light on what guys ado wrong these days and also hat we as men can do right.

For lack of better words to describe the two romantic templates (dynamics) a man can experience with a woman are:

1. mommy / son
2. daughter / daddy

Women experience the same two but I’ll explain it from the man’s perspective since that’s what I know.  We grow up as boys experience unconditional love from our mother (hopefully – if she didn’t provide this then the boy is fucked). 

A healthy mother loves you no matter what, and takes care of you.  As it should be.

The problem is that when boys grow up and start dating and start looking for this mommy / son dynamic in the women they date. 

Your girlfriend or wife is not your mother.  She can never love you unconditionally, only instead for what you ring to her life.  Most guys don’t understand this, and it is trying to make this dynamic work is the dynamic of the beta male.

The other romantic dynamic is daughter / daddy.  This is not meant as an Electra complex …but in that you are the man and you lead.  You are older and more experienced and you take care of things and also set boundaries.

A father does not rely on his daughter to take care of him or provide support, he does this for her.  Loving you for playing this role in her life is the only way a woman can love a man that’s not her actual father. 

And this love is entirely conditional. Unconditional love is saved for her children.

This dynamic is what women crave.  Whenever I have given this gift to women they are happy.  The burden of man is that he had to lead and support, and he can’t burden his women with his problems. 

In addition it helps to have an air of gravitas and mystery to her, just like she gets from her actual father.  This is a deeply ingrained template in our DNA, you can’t deviate from it.  

Men can only be loved unconditionally from their actual mother.  It’s a burden we bear but I can tell you from hard experience that the joy and feminine energy you will unleash in your women from doing this right offsets that downside. 

When she trusts you are strong enough to lead this dynamic she will feel safe and blossom with you.

Charter Post

I’m starting this journal to accomplish three things:

1. Organize my thoughts as I have them.  The process of writing will help me clarify and focus
2. Iterate thoughts and share with others to develop ideas for both them and me
3. Give something back