Now is the Time to Accelerate

2020 was a tough year…and a massive opportunity.

Most people would say 2020 was a tough year. Lockdowns. Political unrest. Small business going under. People begging for token $600 checks from their governments who caused all this mess in the first place.
 
And yet 2020 was a year of massive opportunity.  There was never a better year for making investments…if you had the foresight and stomach to stay in or even add to investments in April when stocks were a bargain.  

Restaurants and nightlife were mostly closed. But there was never a better year to focus on your health, improving your diet, and developing a solid workout routine without ever having to pay gym fees again.

2020 was a tough year for dating. But this was the perfect year to develop and improve your online dating skills, as well as your retention ability with regular girls. 

Did you have the discipline to seize the opportunity that 2020 offered you?

The challenges and opportunities of 2020 are going to accelerate into 2021 and beyond.

Those with the strength and discipline to seize these opportunities will prosper like never before. 

Those who are weak will fall further behind.

Now is the time to make the right choice for yourself. 

Rivelino's Fourteen Questions with Magnum

I was honored to have Rivelino interview me as part of his ongoing game questions on his blog.

Riv asked some great thought-provoking questions that pulled some decent answers out of me that I didn’t even know I had.

Highly recommended. Please check it out on Rivelo’s blog

– Magnum

Here’s Rivelino’s transcript as well:

Magnum is living large. He’s tall, good-looking, traveling the world, having sex with lots of young women. He also has an excellent blog, with his famous first date model and a simple nutrition guide that I liked a lot. Here’s my interview with Magnum. He’s got a lot of knowledge to share, so pay attention.

Fifteen Questions with Magnum

1. Basic biographical info
Name: Magnum
Age: 45
Height: 6’3″
Lifetime bangs: low triple digits

2. How did you discover Game? Who were your biggest influences?
I discovered game by finding Roissy in DC’s blog back in 2008. This was before it became Heartiste. Back then Roissy was just taking off, and over the next few years he put to words a lot of the concepts that influenced later writers. I know both Blackdragon and Krauser have credited Roissy as a big influence, and those two guys along with Tom Torero would be my next biggest influences. Blackdragon for online game and relationship management, and Krauser and Torero for daygame and texting game (Mr V‘s recently published text game summary is also outstanding). I also learned a lot from Christian McQueen and Goldmund when it comes to approaching, non-verbal game, drawing women in to you, and getting women addicted to how you fuck them.

3. Everything you know about women, can you distill it down to 5 key points?
There’s an art to women that goes well beyond just a few points. But in terms of essential frameworks that span across your every interaction with women, these are the three key themes that come to mind:

A) You are her daddy. She is not your peer, she is your girl. This means you lead. You alone are responsible for every interaction and making things go well, from choosing what you do when out, to how the sex will go down, to punishing bad behavior. This is what she wants. She will test your conviction if she senses weakness, but once you’ve proven your strength and leadership she will naturally become feminine and crave your leadership. It’s the dynamic that is meant to be between women and men.

B) Push/pull should be infused in your every interaction with women. Your relationships with women, from opening them on the street, to texting, to dates, to sex, to ongoing relationship management at whatever level you choose – it’s a dance. You are leading her emotions and enabling experiences for the both of you, experiences she can feel. She feels this through the ups and downs. You compliment her, and then you follow it with a tease. You tease her on the date and bring up sexual topics, and then you switch to normal comfort topics in the very next sentence like it’s no big deal. You fuck her hard telling her what a dirty little slut she is while you choke her, and then you slow it down and tell her how close you feel to her and how you can tell by how wet she is that she’s been missing you while you let her feel your affection. You take her on a fun adventure date, and then you don’t text her for a few days. The worst sin with women is to be boring…push/pull done well ensures you never will be.

C) As a man you need to have a larger mission in life than your woman. This is what gives you the true outcome independence that will keep you unaffected by the ups and downs of dating. You need to have spent time on your own in learning who you are, and what you want to achieve in life. These achievements have to be meaningful, long term things that excite you, and cannot be just about women. When you have this larger purpose in life, and you are making progress towards that, you will be happy. This ties to being daddy. Women can feel if you are a man and if you have this purpose, or if you’re lost. It makes you outcome independent. Did a girl flake on your date that night? No problem, that means you get to work on your real passion whatever that is. Is a girl you’re seeing giving you drama? No problem, just next her. You’ve got more important things to do than spend time with any one woman who doesn’t meet your standards of behavior. Outcome independence makes you much more attractive to women as well as a bi-product. They want to be apart of a man’s world, they do not want to be a man’s world. I view women like I view good nutrition. It’s necessary but sufficient. If you fuck up your nutrition or your dating life it will have a big negative impact on your life. But having good nutrition or a good dating life alone is not enough to be happy overall as a man, we are much bigger than that.

4. Since your divorce, you’ve been traveling a lot and having a lot of success with women. Do you have a favorite type of girl (ethnicity, body type, hair color)? Has that changed at all from the woman you married?
I’ve been consistent my adult life in that I prefer petite, feminine, slender women with dark hair. I also prefer women who are intelligent, highly sexual, and typically have some sort of outsider status to them, which can mean a lot of different things. When I first started dating again after my divorce I was dating women from their late 20’s into their late 30’s. But as I gained experience and improved my game and dating I learned that I prefer younger women and I learned how to meet them. The average age of the girls I’ve slept with since 2016 is 24, while the average age between my divorce in 2013 and the end of 2015 was 31. I see this as a good improvement.

5. I’m curious about what you mean by women with “outsider status”. Can you give an example? Why are you attracted to this type of woman, is it because they’re more interesting or unpredictable?
When I say “outsider status” I’m borrowing a Krauser term, one of the many good ones he’s defined in game. By outsider status I mean that the girl at least views herself as in some way outside of the mainstream for girls her age. That can mean a lot of different things, such as, she’s an introvert, or into a certain party or music sub culture, or she’s into older guys and BDSM, or whatever. The important thing is this is part of her self image, and so consistent with that self image she’s at least open to dating a man like me who’s much older than her and outside of her normal social circle. I find girls who have this outsider status tend to be more intelligent and more interesting as well. I enjoy the process of learning how they think and also about the various subculture interests they have.

6. Reading your blog, you seem to be successful in everything you do: finances, fitness, women, travel, basically everything. What’s next?
My number one goal in life right now is to continue to fix a collection of old injuries that have left me with chronic pain. More than anything else I can do, that will improve my life from where I am now. I’m making progress and I’m optimistic I can finally put it to rest in 2020, but it’s a long term goal not entirely in my control. Frankly nothing else matters if you don’t have your health.

My next biggest goal is to get my side consulting business to the profit goals for it that I have for this year. I have a full time job that I love, but I’ve enjoyed starting up something on the side completely from scratch that I own with no partners.

Beyond that, my main girl and I are looking to have a kid in line with my blog post on the subject. This means having the kid and raising him together in a way that also protects my independence.

The best answer a girl ever gave me was, “I fall in love when I think I may have a future with the man” and I think that sums up a lot about women. Women are the practical sex, while men are the true romantics. It’s evolutionary. In the hunter gatherer state in which we evolved women can’t take care of themselves, nature’s too brutal. They need a strong man to do that, and women are evolved to find that man.

So in a nutshell I believe we love that which is in our best interest to pass along our genes. For women that’s a strong, “alpha” man who also has the potential to take care of her long term. For men it’s the girl with better reproductive value than the others in his life, the one guys will describe as “she’s really hot and not like the rest!”

7. What are some quotes/concepts that have helped guide you through life?It’s not a quote or concept but I internalized early in life that I own my own results. Good or bad, my outcomes in life are my responsibility and based on my decisions and action.I played American football as well as rugby when I was in school. We had good coaches and it was a very hard program in that the teams at our school trained longer and more intensely than the teams at the other schools we played. This made that program consistently successful year in and year out regardless of specific players on the team. As a player in that program you worked hard every single day and you never quit, 4 plus hours a day 6 days a week. More than anything I internalized that I own my own results and that perseverance is the biggest factor in achieving any results you want to get, and that as much as anything has got me what success I’ve had.

8. A weakness you’ve overcome, and how did you overcome it?I wouldn’t call it a weakness, but I’m an INTJ and a fairly strong introvert, which can work against you in game. I think this is especially true in the US which has an extroverted culture. So I play to my strengths. I’m not the type of guy who’s going do well opening groups of girls in a club, but I’m quite naturally the “strong, quiet type” that a lot of women really like and I’m a good conversationalist with them 1:1 in a chill place. So for example I play to this strength on first dates by leading the conversation through questions and let the girl talk about herself. She enjoys feeling heard and feels more connected to me, and at the same time I come across as mysterious which draws women in, and I’m happy to let her do 90% of the talking. We all have to find our own style within game that suits our personality, and I’ve found mine over the course of doing hundreds of dates over the years.

9. Your thoughts on love?I’ve been meaning to do a post on this when I’ve got my thoughts collected. I actually like asking women on a first date if they’ve ever been in love and what it was that made them fall in love.The best answer a girl ever gave me was, “I fall in love when I think I may have a future with the man” and I think that sums up a lot about women. Women are the practical sex, while men are the true romantics. It’s evolutionary. In the hunter gatherer state in which we evolved women can’t take care of themselves, nature’s too brutal. They need a strong man to do that, and women are evolved to find that man.So in a nutshell I believe we love that which is in our best interest to pass along our genes. For women that’s a strong, “alpha” man who also has the potential to take care of her long term. For men it’s the girl with better reproductive value than the others in his life, the one guys will describe as “she’s really hot and not like the rest!”This by the way is why I think future projection is such a powerful tool for players. If you effectively get a girl thinking she has a good future with you, then she has a good chance in falling in love with you. On the dark side of game this is exactly what pimps do.This also goes back to being daddy. Yes it feels good to love a woman who’s earned that from you. But you can’t let emotion cloud your judgement. You still have to lead. You still have to enforce your boundaries. You still have to put your mission in life first before your woman. Give your girl the gift of being swept off her feet and feeling the up and down emotions that go with love. Give her the gift of pleasing you and supporting you as your woman. You as the man can enjoy being in love too, but you can’t let that change your values or behaviors because as the man you have to lead.

10. Your thoughts on having children?I don’t have any children yet but I’ve realized this past year that I would like to have them at some point. After talking to a few men who have had kids and also understand game and the nature of men and women, I put together my thoughts in this post last year:Having Kids on My Terms – Magnum’s 7 Point ChecklistMy main girl has agreed with me on these terms and we’ve put a parenting agreement in place. We’re looking to have a kid exactly along the lines of my post some time in the next 1 to 3 years. We’ll see how that goes.

11. What are some common mistakes you see younger guys making, both in life and with women?The biggest mistake I see men make is that they don’t have a large, meaningful purpose in life with meaningful goals that has nothing to do with women. I also see that a lot of guys are inherently lazy and don’t want to do the work, or only want to improve enough to get a certain result and then stop.Life doesn’t work that way. For a man there is no stop to the hustle. Until you die. You need to have goals to work towards so you can experience the joy of progress, or you will not have a sense of satisfaction with your life. You need to always have game and leadership in your relationships with women, from fuck buddies to long term girls.Being successful in life is like being successfully fit – you don’t just diet for a while and then go back to your old habits. It’s a life long daily effort. Frankly I wouldn’t have it any other way.I wrote two blog posts last year with more thoughts on this:“There is no end game” is about the fact that as a man you must perform until you die (which is as it should be).“The secret to happiness” is about how our brains are actually wired to only be happy when we’re making progress, and how to design your life accordingly.

12. I imagine you’ve dated some very attractive women. Have you ever dated what you consider a 9 or 10? Did you have to do anything different to seduce her? Was she fundamentally different from a 7 or 8, or was she more similar than different? I have dated two girls that both well established professional models.  There was nothing different at all about dating them, the trick is actually finding and meeting them. One gave me an IOI at a club when I was talking to other girls, and the other was a daygame open on a hot Sunday afternoon. In both cases I didn’t know anything about their jobs, so I treated them like I would any other girl, which helps.

13. Did you ever have any sticking points or insecurities with women, or were you more of a natural growing up?Like I said, it’s not a sticking point but as a big introvert approaching is not my strength. That was the most critical piece for me in improving my game and getting the amount of experience I’ve had. And it’s work. As men we will always have the burden of initiating. I’ve found you have to get it to a process so it doesn’t crowd out your other priorities of the week.The other sticking point I had was originally I was talking too much on dates, which can often kill the vibe and her attraction. I learned it’s better to let her do most of the talking, while I listen, touch her, and give good eye contact.

14. “The best thing about women is _____.”Their feminine energy. Life for a man without women is all work and no play. Women add a sweetness to a man’s life that can’t be found in any other way. I love and enjoy them. The key is learning how to lead them properly.—Follow Magnum on Twitter and on his blog.

Follow Magnum on Twitter and on his blog.

The Secret to Happiness – In Life and in Game

Habits of a Happy Brain is one of my recommended books for game. And with good reason. Loretta Bruening breaks down the four brain chemicals that make you happy.

This matters because my goal is life is to maximize by long term happiness. And so building a life for myself that maximizes my happiness in line with how the brain actually works is key to a life of success.

The four brain chemicals that make you happy are:

  1. Dopamine – produces the joy of finding things that meet your needs. This is the reward your brain produces when you achieve a goal.
  2. Endorphin – produces oblivion that masks pain—often called euphoria. This is the reward your brain produces in response to exercise.
  3. Oxytocin – produces the feeling of being safe with others. This is the reward your brain produces with pair bonding.
  4. Serotonin – produces the feeling of being respected by others—pride. This is the reward your brain produces when receiving esteem from others.

That is all we get. Your brain only has these four happiness chemicals.

And your brain only releases these happy chemicals when you take steps towards meeting your needs.

But the challenge with this is that your brain is always looking for the next great way to meet your needs. Old rewards, even creamy, delicious ones, don’t command your brain’s attention. This is called habituation.

I definitely didn’t make these up…

So why should we care?

Given the above and how the brain is wired, if we want consistent long term happiness in life we have to constantly be striving towards new goals and making progress in relationships.

It also means we have to constantly mix things up. We habituate quickly to too much of any one stimulus. There is no end game.

Use this knowledge as you will. We all have to find our own way in life, but I can share how I’ve applied this key learning to my own:

  1. Dopamine – the reward for hitting goals
    • Have a big, challenging but achievable mission in life that will take years to achieve.
    • Have daily and yearly goals against this mission, to feel the dopamine hits from regular progress.
    • Always be gaming new women. Even if I find the perfect relationship in life I’ll still need the enjoyment of closing new women.
  2. Endorphins – the euphoric recovery to pain
    • Work out regularly. Challenge my body several times a week to feel this reward in the recovery.
  3. Oxytocin – the reward for pair bonding
    • For me this means having one or more regular girls in my life. Women I actually enjoying spending time with beyond just sex.
    • There is a known players curse that if you just do sport fucks eventually you fall hard and get oneitis for a girl because you’ve been missing out on oxytocin. Don’t fall in to this trap, always have multiple women in your life and at least one that you like enough to pair bond with to some degree.
    • Cultivate non-sexual relationships with your family, your pets etc where you get pair-bonding beyond the women in your life. Like a portfolio the key is diversification and getting this from multiple sources and not just one.
  4. Serotonin – earned reward from respect
    • I’ve found this best comes as you earn respect from your peer group. Whether that’s being acknowledged as someone to go to for help and advice, or even by keeping a small blog like this one. Interacting with peers and receiving their genuine respect is the best way I know to earn this one.

The key thing to remember is that these happiness chemicals work just like exercise. You have to find multiple daily sources of all of these things, mixed up on a regular basis. One time events don’t cut it any more than doing one workout makes you fit for life. It has to be a habit.

In addition, you need to be getting your happiness from all four sources and not just one. That is why players who just focus on dopamine fueled rewards just from fucking new girls don’t find happiness and eventually burn out. Like a balanced diet you need multiple sources.

You can use this same happiness model with the women in your life that you want to retain. If you can regularly stimulate all of these happiness chemicals in a girl she will want to be in your life, and this is the secret to retention:

  1. Dopamine
    • Mix up your dates. Avoid doing the same activity twice, avoid taking her to the same place twice. Keep things fresh.
    • Future projection – (truthfully) give her detailed scenarios to image of the two of you in the future (for example a trip or future activity) and then over time fulfill the scenario. Give her that gift of anticipation.
    • Mix up the type of sex you give her. This can even be in the same session. Sometimes rough, sometimes emotional, sometimes in bed, sometimes in a public toilet. Always keep it fresh.
    • Give her the gift of missing you. Don’t text much when you’re not with her and only see her once a week or less.
  2. Endorphins
    • The rewards from endorphins explain why women enjoy rough sex and BDSM. I’ve yet to meet a girl who doesn’t love being fucked rough from time to time, if not every time. Be dominant and fuck her good.
  3. Oxytocin
    • If you want a girl to stick around for more than the occasional sport fuck, mix in cuddling and intimacy. This works best during the 20 minutes after sex. If you want her as a regular don’t just jump up after sex, cuddle and talk with her a bit afterwards. It’s a huge hit of oxytocin. If rough sex is the “push” cuddling afterwards is the “pull”.
  4. Seratonin
    • From time to time acknowledge her uniqueness or something she does that wins your approval. This has to be random to have the best effect. Don’t overdo it – think of Heartiste’s old rule of the golden ratio – giving her 2/3’s of everything she gives you.

There is a negative counterpoint to this as well. Just as doing the above stimulates your happiness chemicals, not doing the above will make you unhappy.

So withdrawing attention and not doing the above for a woman will make her feel the loss of you, and crave having you back.

This is the “Push” in the push/pull dance that is game. It is necessary to avoid habituation. And as the man you need to lead this experience for her. It’s what she craves because it’s how her brain is wired.

And more importantly this means in life if you’re not working towards goals and making progress, not exercising regularly, not pair-bonding with key relationships, not gaming new girls, and not earning the esteem of your peers…..you will be unhappy.

We are wired to be rewarded for being high value.

Having Kids on My Terms – Magnum’s 7 Point Checklist

It seems inevitable. With few exceptions when a player’s been in the game long enough, he starts thinking about settling down in some way or at least having kids.

Guys like Paul Janka have settled in to long term relationships to have kids, and even Krauser mentions in his latest video his goal now is to settle down and have a family.

Maybe there’s a male biological clock of some kind. Maybe the dopamine highs of fucking new girls fades, while at the same time players miss the oxytocin hits of pair-bonding. Or maybe there comes the inevitable realization that life is short and it’s time to leave a legacy of some kind.

Regardless the reason I believe it’s worth thinking about and planning for, so when the desire to have kids comes around you have a plan for how you’ll approach it.

The Red Quest has an excellent long post on his thoughts around having kids the red pill way. As a red pill player and father, I find he has a very good perspective and it’s got me thinking about the subject.

It’s clear that modern marriage in the West no longer works. With a marriage contract, you sign away the rights to have your assets if either of you decided to end it, with no upside.

If that’s not enough, my own experience from my 13 year marriage and the many relationships I’ve observed is that if you live together with a woman, her desire to have sex with you instinctively goes away after 2-3 years. In my experience as well this can be deferred if you don’t live with her and spend plenty of time apart.

I’m not yet at the point where I want to have kids. But one of my realizations on a recent acid trip is that I do want them at some point. I’d also say I have a keener understanding of my mortality than most do as well given my chronic pain and injuries that are a daily reminder I’m past my prime physically.

Modern marriage doesn’t work. Living together with a woman also doesn’t work, at least for me. So given all this, what’s the right structure in which to have a kid?

I believe there is no one answer and it depends on the man and what he wants. I don’t have it figured out, but my current thoughts are this:

  1. Don’t get legally married and have a co-parenting agreement in place.
  2. Keep your finances 100% separate, but agree on some sort of monthly budget you provide to her and the kid you have. Legally do your best to have good asset protection practices in place.
  3. Keep two residences. Have one for her and the kid, and a small separate apartment for yourself. Spend several nights a week apart.
  4. Keep the relationship expressly open and have at least one side casual side girl at all times.
  5. Have a signed, enforceable parenting agreement in place that you both sign. She needs to sign up to do the majority of the day to day chores of raising the kid.
  6. Ensure all kids are paternity tested. This means taking a DNA sample at the time of birth and not signing any birth certificate until the kid is proven to be mine.
  7. Choose a woman who has a family that will help in raising the kid.

This may be a tall order. It requires strong frame, good game, and a high degree of financial success.

It’s good to understand that child support is much cheaper in Europe than the US as well.

But if you’re in your late 30’s / early 40’s and have dated a lot of women, you should have the right frame and enough financial success to pull this off.

I’m 44 and yet still not in a hurry. We’ll see what the future holds. But welcome your comments. It’s good to have a plan ready for when the time comes.

Relationships on My Terms

One of my big focus areas these past three years has been harem building and retention.  It’s a type of pimp game in that you bring the girl into your orbit, consciously build her attachment to you, and shape her into what you want her to be. 

For me this is a sweet spot in the “r/K” or “lover/provider” spectrum. You build a connection with the girls in your rotation, often over months and sometimes years, but you have your freedom to be with other women as you please.

Bringing a girl into your rotation is like training a puppy, you reward and punish behaviors to enforce behavior. You lead her through a range of experiences, most importantly good sex, to get her hooked. It’s also important that your frame is 100% consistent with that of being a lover and you don’t slide into “boyfriend” behaviors or show signs of weakness.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is pimp.jpg
Close…but I’m not one to wear hats

Iceberg slim’s autobiography has good examples, especially the advice he gets from the experienced pimp named Sweet.  And women do their own competing form instinctively as the process of “Betacization” As a man you have to be leading with your own relationship game or you will instead fall into the woman’s frame. 

“A good pimp is always really alone. You gotta always be a puzzle, a mystery to them. That’s how you hold a whore. Don’t get sour. Tell them something new and confusing every day. You can hold ’em as long as you can do it.”

“A pimp is the loneliest bastard on Earth. He’s gotta know his whores. He can’t let them know him. He’s gotta be God all the way.”

Sweet, from Iceberg Slim’s “Pimp”

These are the best quotes from that book and there’s a lot of game in this. To keep regular girls with who know you’re sleeping with other girls and get zero drama, you’ve got to have a 100% strong frame. You’ve got to be mysterious. You only see them once a week or less. You only text 1-2 times a week. And when you see them you fuck them good.

But to really convert her, you give her a range of emotions. You introduce her to new experiences inside and outside of the bedroom. You use BDSM and dirty talk to spike her emotions and connect with you. Occasionally you introduce a bit of controlled drama to give her the rollercoaster of emotions. You continue to escalate the compliance ladder with her inside and outside the bedroom to ensure she’s fully invested. Conversion is an art.

Converting a girl to you can be dark or light depending on what you want to do, which is why it’s rarely talked about.  This same process could be used to pimp out certain girls like in the book or to get yourself a sugarmama, but I’ve focused on it as way to build relationships on my terms. Creating wonderful, concurrent open relationships and life experiences with a variety of girls who’s company I enjoy.

Women get their agency through men, and they look for the right man to make the experiences and life that they want.  Myself, I look for girls who want to this experience. To discover themselves and the world, sexually and otherwise.  I’m the experienced man of the world who shows them the way. 

I’ve enjoyed seeing how girls blossom into what I want them to be all the while they enjoy the experience.  This is the same plot-line of romance novels, although with the fantasy in the end that the heroine wins the player over exclusively.  Women want you to be the man.  To lead.  To be “daddy”.  

As a man you have to know how to lead them through this nature to create something positive for both of you.  This is the “dance” I’ve alluded to in the past. 

The girl I call “Little me” ghost wrote an essay about me and told me about it so I could find it (she ghost wrote it via the author who’s actually pictured, Alexandria Brown, who is not Little Me).  It’s as good an example of how a woman truly wants to feel – the unsure excitement of whether or not she can win over a high value man:

I like complicated. I like dark. I like mysteries that need unraveling. I like you. I like everything you bring to the table even though all you can give me is a few late nights and never any early mornings. I like not knowing where this is going and if I’m ever going to see you again. I’m addicted to the rush that comes along with getting you every once in a while. It excites me.


“Little Me” writing about yours truly makes her feel.  Do read the whole thing.

Don’t be fooled.  This turmoil is what a woman truly wants.  Sexually I’ve seen how much women crave being dominated and submitting to a worthy man.  It’s no different emotionally.  But it has to be with the right balance.

These ongoing non-monogamous mini relationships have been the highlight of my life in game.  Far more than crazy game stories on how I managed to close a girl or one night stands.  I see this as my sweet spot. 

Both the girl and I get great sex, positive experiences, and good memories.  I get the freedom and variety I need as a man, but also gives me an outlet for the “affection addiction” that causes so many players to retire from the game.  

After this recent three week trip to New York I’m wondering if my desire to focus on this aspect of game came from the fact that SF is such a poor dating market for men.  It can take weeks for me to find girls who fit the bill above, and so when I do I want to ensure I manage the (open) relationship well. 

It may be tempting to go more “r” selected on the spectrum and just do one night stands when I move to NY.  But I don’t see myself going away from keeping 2-3 regular girls in my life (even while I enjoy regularly finding sport fucks on the side). 

I’m glad I spent the time in SF that I did. I don’t think it’s likely I’d have consciously focused on this skillset if I’d been in an easy city like NY.  

These have been some of the most fulfilling relationships I’ve ever had, even as these women come and go from my life over time.  

There is No End Game

A lot of men have been talking about end game (RedQuest | Roy Walker | Troy Francis | Krauser / Jimmy Jambone among others).  (addition 1/27: Tom Torero weighs in that there is no end game). The question seems to be, “is being a player all there is?” and “what comes after being a player?”.  It seems for many that after 5-10 years in the game the rush of getting yet another notch doesn’t do it any more. 

I suspect what this ultimately comes down to is that men want pair-bonding.  I’m 44 years old and have personally experienced the full range of types of relationships with women, from same day sport fucks to fuck buddies to harems to girlfriends to my marriage (ended 5 years ago). 

From this experience I truly believe that sexual pair-bonding with a woman can’t last more than 3-5 years tops, before your relationship degrades into routine without any real spark.  This is how nature intended it:  pair up long enough to produce offspring and get them into childhood, then rotate to a new partner to diversify your genes.  We can’t get around our DNA.  

So I’m at peace with being a player forever.  As a man you have to be able to bring new women into your life on an ongoing basis, and pair-bond with them as you see fit. 

What fits best for me (every man is different) is having 2-4 regular girls at a time in my life, where I see each once a week.  In effect this is a portfolio of girls with whom I pair-bond in different ways for as long as the honeymoon period lasts (“sweet spot” might be a better term), in some cases for years and still going. 

What I like about this in effect is I’m always in the honeymoon phase, even as girls eventually come and go.  It’s on you as the man to manage these relationships properly and keep them fresh.  

With hedonic adaptation our brains gets used to routine.  I attribute a portion of my satisfaction with this lifestyle to the fact that I never let these mini relationships get routine.  I vary up where we go, what we do, how we fuck every single time.  How we lead the dance makes a difference in getting more satisfaction and longevity out of these relationships while they last.

None of these relationships will last “forever” because nothing in life lasts forever.  There is no end to this process, just like there is no end to exercise and good nutrition.  It’s a part of a healthy life and supports you in your higher mission, whatever that is for you.  

This is why we have to constantly game and constantly build value as men.  We are not meant to rest in life.  We’re meant to strive till we die. 

Honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Happiness is making progress towards meaningful goals.  Achieving those goals is anti-climatic. 

There is no end game.

Addendum 2020:

Runner and I had a great conversation where we expanded on the concept of equilibrium. There is no end game, in that there is no rest for a man. You have to be on your game every single day, even in a serious relationship with a woman.

However, you can reach a state of balance, equilibrium, if you keep your game tight on a regular basis. I laid some of those behaviors out in my Rules of Retention post. No relationship lasts forever, but as a man you lead and you have the potential to keep things with a woman in a “sweet spot” for an indefinite amount of time, if you choose and if you lead properly.

Persistence

Life is at best bittersweet.  We all have ups and downs and often it’s how you respond to the downs that make the different between a happy and an unhappy life.  We have to embrace the challenges life throws at us, making progress on this frankly is what makes life satisfying.  If it were all ups and no downs we’d go crazy, like the young guys who make a fortune selling a company and wind up dead a few years later from a drug overdose.

I was reminded of this yesterday.  I’ve had this damn plantar wart on the left ball of my foot for years.  I was a runner and pounded it deep into my foot, and I didn’t treat it since It thought it was a callous.  It was only when it started to throw off my gait that I had it checked out and started treatment.
I started treatment 3 years ago.  This mean cryo-freezing my foot and limping on it for days – every 6 weeks.  For 3 fucking years.

It didn’t want to get better and I was sick of the painful process, but I stuck with it.  Last month the damn thing just up and disappeared.  It was big one day and a few days later it was like it never existed.  The treatments finally stimulated my immune system to eliminate the virus.

More detail than you wanted to know.  But a great little reminder of exactly how life is.  We have to know when to persevere, often for years without much feedback, but this is how to succeed.